Change of Heart

posted on: Monday, October 12, 2009

It occurred to me that I might need to explain why I'm not heartbroken about my lack of surgical experience thus far. Especially since my aspirations have been to become a surgeon for a long time now. Well, in short, no more.

Through a series of circumstances which I will describe below, I have decided to pursue Emergency Medicine instead of Trauma Surgery. Here's my story:

My doubts about Trauma Surgery first hatched when I met Nick. I had come to medical school with visions of grandeur about being a career woman--a complete sell-out to medicine. I always knew that I wanted a husband and a family, but those were things that seemed to exist only in a very distant future. Well, once Nick came into the picture, that "very distant future" suddenly became more of a here and now kinda thing. But as an independent woman, I would be damned before I'd let a mere mortal MAN deter me from my dream. I was going to BE Meredith Grey, remember?

The doubts continued, but my heart rate would quicken with excitement every time we had a lecture on Trauma. This was conflicting, as you can imagine. I told myself I was going to wait until I started my clinical rotations before making any decisions.

Now, MY clinical rotations haven't really done much to help sway me one way or another (well, that's not entirely true...my experience with surgeons has been rather dismal. they are, on the whole, a boring and arrogant group. my experience at St. Mary's spoke against this, but then again, they were an incredible motley crew.) BUT one of Nick's rotations really served to tip the scales. Nick was working with this OB/Gyn doc (a surgical subspecialty in its own right) and he literally never saw the light of day. Seeing him be SO absent and miserable gave me opportunity to see firsthand the downsides of surgery. And I was totally turned off.

I no longer care about being a sold-out career woman. I want to have a LIFE! I want to be able to go to work, love and do my job, then come HOME and forget about it. I want to be able to take my girlfriends on destination shopping trips, travel the world, have kids and really BE their mom.

ER really allows me all that. I work my 3, 12-hr shifts a week, then I'm done! And I know I'll love every minute of being there...just as I loved (almost) every minute of my working at St. Mary's. Plus I get to pretend like I work with George Clooney...

2 comments:

  1. I agree with Marse on this one. Good Choice. Love you and am so proud of you and the decision you do and do not make.

    ReplyDelete

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