sad day

posted on: Wednesday, October 19, 2011


i've been listening to this song again this morning
(when i wallow...i REALLY wallow)
it's pretty perfectly describing my sentiments

i had a friendship that ended a few months ago.
there wasn't a big, thunderclap of an event that brought about its demise
it just sort of ceased to be
and it was such a close, intimate friendship
that i feel its absence every day
every.
day.
this is how breakups are.
whether we are losing lovers, or losing friends.


try as i might to get over it
our ever-increasingly connected world is making it impossible.
every time i open my computer
(okay, let's be honest. every time i open FACEBOOK. which is daily. multiple times.)
i get a reminder of how i'm not part of that person's life anymore

it hurts.
deeply.
still.

and it all just makes me wish that i wasn't such an elephant
incapable of forgetting
and moving on

shouldn't people just cease to be when we fall out of relationship with them?
wouldn't that make it so much easier to continue living?
without them there, as constant reminders of how good things used to be?
(i'm not wishing death upon anyone. just to clarify.)


to top it all off,
here's a totally unrelated image

sorry i'm such a downer today.
surely i'm not the only one that's gone through this...
thoughts?

22 comments:

  1. I had the same thing happen with my best friend from high school. I finally realized it was a toxic relationship that was giving me way more heartache than anything else. After a lot of thought, I had to break it off.

    She has tried to rekindle our friendship a couple of times in the last couple of years, but I just can't do it. She was such a negative presence in my life and I can't let myself be sucked back into that.

    I feel like a jerk sometimes about it, but what can you do? I don't think it is healthy to constantly let someone treat me like crap and keep them in my life. Pretty sure that is the definition of insantiy.

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  2. This happened quite a bit after college. It seemed like half of my friends grew up and half stayed the same. Trying to keep a friendship with someone who's stuck in the same old drama and had no 'idea' what real life is like was tiring. Eventually the friendship fizzles and although we stay fb friends, we've never approached the friend zone again.

    i've only lost one friend in a blowout. and looking back, it was a blessing in disguise. even if those few months afterwards were the pits.

    love this song ps.

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  3. well. clearly i dont need to talk about how i understand..

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  4. Emmy.
    I really can’t call people by their real names. I can’t. Don’t make me.

    Anyways, I loved this. It is SO honest. i have been there with one of my old best girl friends from college. And its so strange now. and awkward. I ran into her last week and it’s like running into an ex. Every time she posts pictures on fb it makes my tummy hurt. Its weird to not be part of persons life you were initially so close with :(

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  5. I. Hate. This. Facebook is the worst. Hide her shit from showing up on your newsfeed--it helps.

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  6. I can relate - hopefully it will get better, it just takes time!

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  7. I agree - Facebook in this situation doesn't help At.All!
    I've gone through this - moving away from home and where all my friends were living made things quite more visible. And sadly, not everything that I was seeing and feeling was good. It's hard. VERY hard at times. But I think that if you know in your heart it is for the best, then it will work out.
    Keep your chin up, lady!

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  8. Sadly, what you just described in this post is how i feel about the ending of my first relationship. That little four year relationship that took up the time from when I was 16 to well now at 20. and it sucks. Its hard for me to accept the end. I dont let go easy. commiserating with you... hope your day looks up. Good news is you are not alone :)

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  9. yup, been here. one of my closest friendships ended-- like I mean we talked multiple times a day close. And it seemed to end out of nowhere and not very nicely. And I did everything in my power to fix it even though she was the one pulling away. eventually I had to let it go and I got that knot in my stomach whenever i saw her post something about her life online-- just felt weird. then one day she sent something to me by accident and I replied. We talked on IMs and she apologized to me for what happened and made an effort to make up for it. we aren't nearly as close as we were then but she's still in my life now. sometimes friends go away for a season, sometimes forever, but you never know what will happen in the future.

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  10. I had a similar situation back in college. Me and my best friend at the time decided to go to college together and had a falling out during our freshman year. I tried multiple times to mend the relationship and was completely shot down. I was completely hurt and I don't even know if I will 100% move on from it. This was pre-facebook days so I have no idea where she is or what she is doing with her life, but I think about it often.

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  11. E-

    So I've been reading your blog for a long time now, but this is my first comment :) My best friend and I "broke up" on NYE of 2009 and it was absolutely devastating. We'd been best friends since junior high and I practically lived with her family during high school when my family was falling apart. Thankfully my wonderful (now) fiancé helped me through it. He didn't have any amazing words of advice, it was more just his presence.

    Over the last year and a half, I definitely experienced all the stages of breaking up...I was really sad, then really angry, then just resigned (and awkward). I had to let it be though. I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I'm happy to say that my best friend and I started to mend fences. In fact, she is going to be one of my bridesmaids at my wedding this NYE. Kinda full circle.

    I could write a novel about this, but I just wanted to share. I hope that it doesn't hurt as bad as it does now for too long and that eventually you can either move on or make-up.

    J

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  12. I can totally relate. When I moved back from a year in Germany about 4 months ago it was so weird seeing my old best friend. I have only seen her that one time and we just have honestly drifted apart. I wish I could be involved in her life and involve her in mine. I have no idea who she is eaving dating, where she is moving to in 60 days (a facebook post), or where she is working. She also has no idea that I'm planning on moving back to Germany for a boy, she doesn't know there even was/is a boy, she doesn't know that I got accepted into my first choice B.A program...it's just sad, but I guess there is always a reason that people go in and out of your life. I'm you feel better soon :( It is very sad and does feel like a break up :(

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  13. I know too well how you fell. Right now I feel like I'm at a crossroad... on one side I keep on trying and on the other I call it quits. Friendships are sometime more complicated than romantic relationships.

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  14. I'm sorry about your friend... I grieve over a friendship, as well... It's no fun and social media really amps it up... But on a much brighter note - what a beautiful photo! The following poem comes to mind and I don't mean it to be preachy... Blessings to you...

    Comes The Dawn

    Author: Veronica A. Shoffstall
    After a while you learn the subtle difference
    Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
    And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
    And company doesn’t mean security,
    And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
    And presents aren’t promises,
    And you begin to accept your defeats
    With your head up and your eyes open
    With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,
    And you learn to build all your roads on today,
    Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans,
    And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
    After a while you learn
    That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
    So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
    Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
    And you learn that you really can endure...
    That you really are strong,
    And you really do have worth.
    And you learn and learn...
    With every goodbye you learn.

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  15. PS - the two friends I miss the most are now married - to each other - and the man is my son's dad...

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  16. Oh Emily, I felt this post right down there in my gut. I am going through the same thing, and as a senior in college, it is kind of scary how sad it makes me. I was the one who broke it off with her, someone who I thought was a 'close friend' of three years. I began to realize how much effort I would put into our friendship, only to watch her turn around and care for others more than she ever cared for me. It hurts so much, but to know I am not alone, not a freakish freak for breaking up with my friend makes it better. Many thanks.

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  17. I love how you are not the only person that has this happen to you..and after looking at all the responses I realize I am not the only person that feels this way too...

    I have for about 3 years missed someone who I have lost touch with. I talk about it all the time..I think I can't get over it because I actually do not know why she stopped talking to me..maybe if I knew it would make sense.

    Maybe I didn't mean the same to her?

    P.S. this song is making me depressed...

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  18. Hi Em, so sorry you're going through this. I'm starting to experience the same thing with one of my close friends here, and it sucks. Really heartbreaking. But I guess sometimes people change and grow apart... Sometimes silly things come between them.... Sometimes its ego. Sending you hugs and hope today is a much better day for you.

    xoxo

    Noa

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  19. @Megan cracks me up.
    I have always felt that the friendships that seem to fall away are almost harder to understand because there isn't this talk of the ending of your relationship and both of your need to move forward. There no "It's not you, it's me..." or "I love you, you're just not the 'one'..." conversation with friends like there is with lovers. At least with lovers there is talk of the "end" and the need to detach lives in some way. With friends there is no "breakup" talk and I think that it what makes it harder.

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  20. It's sad just how much I understand this.. And the pain is constant.

    But at least you know you're human? Capable of emotions? If anything, it lets you feel alive.

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  21. I have broken up with three friends. Soooo awful

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  22. I have been reading your blog for a few months (love it...makes me giggle) but today I had some free time at work (read: not interested in working) so I thought I'd read back through some of your old posts (stalker much?!) and stumbled across this one. I have experienced this same thing recently with a friend I've had for years and its so incredibly strange and hurtful! I totally empathize with this, I hope in the time since you've written this its gotten easier, PLEASE tell me it has! Thanks for sharing your life....I seriously read your blog daily!

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