baby talk

posted on: Wednesday, December 14, 2011

[via]

can i be real for a second?
ok good.

i'm not even sure where to begin.
this is a topic that's been rumbling around in my head for months
why today?

i think i followed just enough mommy bloggers to push me right over the edge
...crickets...
kidding. kind of.

anyway.
once you've been married for more than five minutes,
people start asking you when you're going to be having babies.
this used to piss me off.
Nick and i got married in med school.
and were still busting our humps to get into residency to continue our training.
i got all offended that people would assume that,
after working SO hard
for SO long,
i would just put my career on hold to become june-effing-cleaver.

maybe i felt a little strongly about this.
maybe.

now we're in residency.
working opposite schedules most of the time.
[example:  me: 3pm-11pm  him: 6am-6pm]
and while i don't necessarily mind my ease-into-it mornings
where i sleep in until 9 or 10am
then read blogs and study with a cup of coffee in hand
until it's time to go to work
this never-seeing-each-other tends to make marriage somewhat difficult.
(it especially makes baby-making difficult. but that is a discussion for another day.)

and yet people STILL badger me with the baby question.
it's actually a running joke amongst my fellow residents.
they think it's hilarious to ask me--daily--if i'm pregnant.
i get all offended and pissy and "are you calling me fat?!?"
fun game.

the truth of the matter is,
i would love to have a baby.

there.
i said it.

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just because i'm all sciencey and doctory and airforcey
doesn't mean that i don't have a maternal clock that ain't ticking.
but clocks aside, being a mom has always been something i've wanted.
always.
it's a major part of the reason i CHOSE emergency medicine
because it is a specialty that will allow me flexibility in the future
so that i CAN have it all
a career i love
and a family i love.

just not right now.

and that's probably why i get so testy.
i hate it when i can't do something.
i'm a doer. a type A.
when i want shit to happen, i make it happen.
and no matter how much i try to tell myself that i'm CHOOSING
to wait until a better time to have a baby
it still feels like someone is telling me "you can't".
[via]
plus there's the fact that it seems everyone around me is having babies.
friends.
bloggers.
fellow residents, even.
and pinterest is no help at ALL.
i feel like i'm getting left behind.
like everyone's lives are moving forward,
while i'm still stuck just pursuing my dreams.
as if that were something small...pursuing your dreams.

so please forgive me for my snarky comments about babies and bloggers.
it's really coming from a place of sadness deep within me.
and i'm just now becoming enough of a grown-up to call it what it is.
and thank you, dear blogosphere, 
for being a place where people talk about this stuff.

that's all.


24 comments:

  1. Oh babies. I just changed my blog name so it didn't in a turnabout way accidently include babies. But that doesn't mean I don't want any. Just not right now either.

    Also, you need to have a, "BITCH PLEASE" conversation with your work mates so they stop being asshats. Seriously.

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  2. I totally feel your pain. Only in my case, everyone keeps telling me how I should wait to have babies (since my husband is still in grad school). Which is aggravating since it is NONE of their business! What I ESPCECIALLY love about it is that everyone who tells me I should wait had a baby by the time they were my age. That usually leads me to ask, "Would you take back having [insert child's name]?" That almost always gets the response, "Of course not!"

    Yeah... then shut your mouth.

    Rant over. :)

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  3. I still get annoyed when people ask us about babies, or hint that we should have them.. It's like, HELLO, we know when we would like one (or two or three) and it ain't now! But get it girl, my momma works as a PA in the emergency room, so I totally relate to your story.. although, I have to say, my momma worked so much when I was kid, I hardly saw her ): but I know without her hard work, I wouldn't have had the childhood I had, so it was a trade-off...

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  4. I understand what you mean by feeling left behind when you see it all around. But, things can't be rushed or always planned. So when it finally happens, you (and I) will be thankful!

    Just take advantage of all the babies around. Hug them and play with them. And be glad that you don't have to wake up in the middle of the night to feed them!

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  5. if someone asks me one more time when we're having kids...

    i feel your pain.

    and as the sister of one of the BIGGEST PAIN IN THE ASS MOM BLOGGERS, i really feel your pain.

    and vow to never be just that. whenever we decide to do the dirty and create a human. you know. because we like our life right now. and people can't quite seem to understand that you can be happy knowing that in the future you'll have a family. but for right now you can enjoy being skinny and drinking four margaritas without a second thought.

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  6. I suspect it will happen in His perfect timing and not y'alls necessarily... That's what my standard reply to the nosey nellies would be... I know about longing for the baby when it's not logical, but I also know what it's like have His perfect time be when I was 32 and the bio clock was screaming! One thing is certain - y'all are gonna make some pretty babies! Yes I'm a Texan, as evidenced by the y'all, etc! A West Texan at that - and I used to live in SA and it's still my favorite city! So jealous! And yes this is cheesy because there are a bazillion wonderful places to eat - but I really miss Taco Cabana and Las Palapas! Loved having a beer at TC after working 7P-7A! I'm babbling now - sorry for that - but I totally get you and this baby thing! Bless you and the San Antonio Spurs! Ha!

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  7. I can totallyyyy relate. Before we moved to Amsterdam I was all about waiting to have babies. We wanted them, but just not for a few years. But then I got here and obviously now that we're living out a dream in Europe and traveling all over the place and doing all these things that would be MUCH harder with a baby... All of a sudden I'm dying to have one. EVERYONE is having a baby, and I look at Corey and think about what an absolutely amazing dad he's going to be and I think I'm totally ready, I WANT a baby. I want to be a young mom, etc ...

    But THEN in a moment of clarity I realized.. Maybe I just want what I can't have. Because I KNOW having a little one right now would be a little crazy (but obviously not a terrible thing, just not the "ideal" situation) and we've decided to wait until we move home in lord knows how many years.. NOW I think hmm can I wait? I think we both can :) And I think we'll both know when the time is right. And that might not mean when I'm back in the States or when you're done with your residency. But we'll know. Anyhow, hang in there and know that you're not the only feeling this way.

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  8. I mean, i get the baby thing and hello..i just divorced and im a semi new relationship..granted with someone tall hot and irish..so naturally people would think my womb is aching..but i STILL...

    all that to say. you are not alone here in mom world

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  9. I know that probably wasn't the easiest thing to write, so thanks for sharing with us. Seriously, the way you live your life is pretty inspiring to me. You're intelligent AND hot AND are pursuing your dreams. That last one is huge! I mean, how many people can honestly say they are living out their dreams? Not many, myself included. Cliche as it sounds, you're right where you're supposed to be. And one day you're going to have that baby and I have no doubt that you'll be a terrific mom. So hang in there! And next time someone asks when you're going to have a baby, just give them a swift kick in the groin ;)

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  10. Em, I understand completely. I'm not ready and neither is my husband. We may never have children and I'm okay with that. WHY DON'T PEOPLE LET US DECIDE?

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  11. I can TOTALLY relate to this right now. We have only been married for 6 months and still have some bills to pay off before we could even afford a dog, let alone a child, but I do feel like everyone is going through that stage right now and I am being left behind. I don't necessarily want the baby right now, but I sure wish I considered us ready to have one. Not.Quite.Yet.

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  12. OMG this explains my life exactly...kinda. Difference, is that the fiance and I are now in a long distance relationship. He's in India, i'm in CA (maybe Europe very soon). Now is not the time, for very obvious reasons. But I want a baby, NOW, and it's killing me. We could get pregnant, but we know now isn't the time...Anyway, you have no idea how NOT alone you are. I get sad by all the baby blogs and pictures all the time too! It will happen soon enough, and we'll be so thankful once it does!

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  13. i like what liz said about wanting what we can't have.

    and i agree with what alex said about you being smart, hot and inspirational.

    but mostly, i just like that you are real and honest and open.

    the end.

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  14. I feel your pain. My husband and I have been married for 2 years and we get the baby question a lot. We want to travel, work hard and just be the 2 of us for a few years before we have a little one for the rest of ours lives. We're good with our pets for now. Keep on doing what you're doing. When you're ready....you'll know

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  15. Ohh, this makes my heart hurt. I'm not married, so I can't say I really relate but I so much wish for a baby. I would give anything. And yet, the timing isn't right. It sucks.

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  16. I think I get where you are coming from. I used to love thinking about having babies and wanted to have one so bad. After my boyfriend of four years and I broke up, looking at baby stuff hurt me. I had wanted that with him and since he left, the whole baby thing just made me sad. Even cute kids don't get me all giddy like they used too. Don't get me wrong, they are still adorable, but before it was incredible because I thought it was something I would have. So sometimes I see a pin, and I mutter, "Uh... enough babies already. Im never going to have babies" even though I really want babies in the future.. and it too for me is coming from a place of sadness.

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  17. i liked this. and i appreciate your honesty. and i feel the same way even though there is one in my womb.

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  18. Wow. This really hit home for me. I think the way I feel about this changes on a weekly basis.

    My husband and I have two young nieces and lots of friends and cousins having babies. We both are major baby people.

    It drives me nuts when people ask when we are going to have a baby, especially people that I am not close with. It is none of your business, people!

    I also get resentful when people who are close to me tell us to wait. I just don't see it as being any one's choice but ours.

    I look at it like we are married (and have a strong marriage), we have a home with an extra room for a baby and have health insurance- more than most people have that are pregnant. Yet, we still want to wait until everything is "perfect" before we decide to get pregnant. It is for sure a struggle to find the perfect timing. Many people would argue that there is no perfect timing.

    I just feel like once the baby comes there is NO turning back. So until my weeks of wanting a baby turn into months of being "for sure" we will keep on waiting.

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  19. Just be sure that you're not alone in this. I've had this feeling for ages now. And I keep telling myself it's not the right time. Will be there a "right time" after all? I don't know. But I'm sure lots of married girl go through this. It's normal. It's gonna happen one day. Right now, I'll be enjoying my lazy weekend mornings with my husband and traveling whenever. Because once the baby comes, things will never be the same. And I have to learn to focus on this time where is just me and him!

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  20. i hear ya... one day, lady. one day... at least you have somebody to make a baby with! (that wasn't supposed to make you feel guilty, just happy) : )

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  21. this is great. im always asked if my pregnancies were "planned" .. if we're "done" and how many kids we want ... someone told me to answer (politely) ... "oh, why do you ask?"

    shuts them up REAL quick.

    my husband is a resident and his schedule alone is hell so I can't imagine two residents' schedules ...

    good for you for pursuing your dreams and for an honest abraham post about it!

    Merry Christmas!!

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  22. I just came over to your blog from your guest post on Megan's blog, and I can totally relate to this.

    Yes, I'm now a mom, but I had very similar feeling for a couple of years before I got pregnant. I was ready to have a baby, but we had several reasons for waiting, which I knew were valid. It didn't make it any easier though.

    I'm now following you!
    http://naptimeinsuburbia.blogspot.com/

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  23. I just came across your blog, but this post made me smile! I'm with a boyfriend of 4 years and it's not the baby question we constantly get, it's the marriage question. It's an awkward moment when someone asks and you think, "It's not your business, we want to be ready and 100% into it".

    But I'm sure if/when that day comes, the baby question will be overload.

    http://crescendoblog.blogspot.com

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