role reversal

posted on: Wednesday, February 8, 2012

today, i traded in my Superman skivvies
for my Clark Kent alter ego.

in other words, i went from being the doctor
to being the patient.

this morning i got up
put on my scrubs
made my coffee
and went to work

i spent my day 
consulting orthopedics for the tibia/fibula fracture
then later for the hip fracture
sent the baby boy (who was aggressively head-banging in his high chair to the point of needing stitches) home
then i intubated one patient
did an ultrasound on another one looking for free fluid in their belly
waited for the MICU to answer my page
(which never happened. stupid MICU.)

and i also ate lunch.

a totally unrelated photo of me drinking champagne from the bottle. class class class.
then i raced out of work
jumped on the highway
and drove to *another* hospital
checked in
and hopped up on the exam table

next thing i know,
i'm signing consent forms
on the line marked "patient"
getting prepped
and draped
and shot up with local anesthetic

being asked, "does this hurt?"
(yes.)
"are you comfortable?"
(no.)
"we're done. wanna see?"
(not really.)

then i'm having a pressure dressing placed
and being given specific instructions
not to get it wet for 48 hours
or drink alcohol for 48 hours
or work out for one week

then i'm picking up prescriptions
and driving myself home
to a hubby-cooked meal
and a warm fire in the fireplace.

now i'm all hopped up on tylenol
and struggling with saran wrap and duck tape in the shower 
(to keep my dressing dry...note: this method is not effective. lesson learned.)
trying to look pitiful
so the huz will keep waiting on me hand and foot.

...

for the record,
i much prefer it on the stethoscope-wearing side of the table.
being a patient is less than fun.


also for the record,
you all are amazing.
and you say the nicest, most wonderful things.
thank you...from the apex of my left ventricle
(that's "bottom of my heart" in layman's terms.
i just made it up.
now you have a new way to say iloveyou to your honey.
just in time for V-day.
you're welcome.)

9 comments:

  1. hah, hope you are doing ok! i'm so entertained by your posts, i'm in PA school doing my ER rotation and for a second there i was wondering if you were at our hospital today because we had an intense tib fracture and some major ascites today as well! i love your blog from the apex of my left ventricle too hah, I'm gonna have to remember that one :)

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  2. oh no!!! you better be waited on hand and foot! feel better xoxo

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  3. uhm what? what happened? how did i not know about this?

    im e mailing you. youve made me do it.

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  4. Wait, why were you in the hospital darling??? you have to tell us such things!

    Hope you feel better soon!

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  5. So I don't know if I completely missed something or what but I hope you're ok and recovering quickly!!

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  6. from the apex of your left ventricle! ha! i got that (before you explained it)... i may not be a doctor, but i know anatomy! that counts a little bit, right? hope you feel better!

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  7. Now you know we are all dying with anticipation over what you did to injure yourself!? Hope you feel better soon! Oh, and I would have gone to a different hospital besides the one I work at as well.

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  8. yikes. we're in the same boat. i'm recovering from a surgery i just had last week. i haven't been able to shower for a week so as not to get the incision/stitches/tape/glue/etc. wet. suffice it to say, i don't look cute and i certainly don't look as cute as you do in that champagne photo.

    ps - this morning, my doctor told me i talked too much after i asked him a series of intelligent and warranted questions. therefore, i wish you were my doctor.

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  9. oh no i hope you're ok!! and totally agree being the patient sucks...
    my parents are doctors so i can literally count on one hand how many times i've had to go to the doctor...
    and you know what the worst part is... the waiting room!!

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