I've been pretty bummed out lately.
I studied for my inservice exam for weeks and weeks
(the inservice is the way that my residency program gauges whether or not I am a retard. if I don't pass it, I get put on Retard Probation Status until next year's inservice when I'm given a chance to redeem myself.)
(it's not really called Retard Probation Status. I made that up.)
it was pretty miserable.
all that studying.
but everybody said "just get though the inservice...life gets so much better after that"
and literally the day.after.the.test
I got an email saying that my schedule had been totally changed for the next two months.
instead of working days in the ER for March and April...
I'd be working ER nights in March
and doing Internal Medicine wards in April.
it's really not ALL that bad, working nights.
unless you're married. and your huz works days.
then you never see each other.
and you never get to sleep in your bed at the same time.
not cool, residency. not cool.
but working on the Wards...
now THAT is pure misery.
4 days off. all month long.
12-13hr days. (in the glorious glorious ER, we work 8's)
back into the Lion's Den that is the Internal Medicine department
where they all hate me because I'm from the ER.
I'm aware that I'm whining.
and I realize this is childish and not-very-hooah of me
("hooah" is an Army thing...in case you weren't aware. It basically means brave, macho, full of bravado. all things I am not, at the moment)
but I just didn't have any more left in me, ya know?
I placed all my hope in getting through the inservice
and then was just devastated when I learned I had to keep on chugging
mustering more hopes has turned out to be incredibly difficult
I've had some breakdowns.
more than a few.
and now I believe them (whoever "they" are)
when they say that intern year just simply blows
no way around it.
but I'm exhausted.
and burnt out.
and I hate that I can't imagine what having Saturday AND Sunday off every week even feels like anymore.
so if I'm a little saltier and grumpier on the internets in the near future
you now know why.
five freaking weeks of nights.
here we go...