joy thief

posted on: Monday, July 2, 2012

hula-hooping. the most joyful of activities.

i'm back!
vacay is over.
but it's good to be home
back with my hubs and my pup and my kitty
and Texas heat. 
which, surprisingly, is nowhere near as hot as the eastern seaboard of the US

ever since my last big, deep, dramatic post
i've had a few things on my mind
concerning comparisons.

we're all guilty of playing the comparison game
this is why there are idioms that were created around the idea
"the grass is always greener...", etc.
but these past few weeks, i've been guiltier than usual

i just can't stop myself from feeling dissatisfied with my life
we all get this way sometimes
but it's been happening way too often for my taste
i feel like i've been having a hard time being thankful
which is dumb
because i know i have a lot to be thankful for

this isn't going to be one of those
"i'm having trouble being thankful so let me list everything amazing about my life to make you all feel like crap" posts
i'll spare you.

but does anybody else get this way?
i feel like blogging exacerbates the issue
instead of reading about other bloggers' lives and feeling inspired,
i find myself wishing i had a different job
or better clothes
or a skinnier body
or a husband who took pictures of me forcryingoutloud

i have no magic solution to this problem.
and i know it's an issue that will come and go for me.
but like i said,
these days it's been lingering longer than usual.

you all know i strive to be honest with this blog.
somebody once said that blogging was like comparing your behind-the-scenes
with someone else's highlights reel
and i try to keep this ish as real as possible.
and paint my life in as unglamorous a light as it actually is!

i'll leave you all with the words of a couple of very wise men.



i may be the only person in history
to have successfully merged the ideas
of Kurt Cobain with those of Teddy Roosevelt.
they have more in common than the fact that they both are deceased.

so there you have it.
i'm just here, keeping it real.
and for those of you that look at MY life
and find yourself wishing you had it
allow me to remind you that my day began yesterday
with me performing a rectal exam
on a trauma patient who had shat himself.

welcome to second year, Dr. Fleming.


  1. omg that last line...that sounds..special...

    i love you girl. you know how i feel about all of this..because we are BFFS.

    1. you want my life. you know you do.

      xoxo. i heart you. bffae.

  2. I totally get you here. It's difficult seeing other people having different experiences and things than you do and then sometimes you want it for yourself instead of feeling happy for them. "If only my life looked like X," we think, "then I would be happy!" But it's not true.

    You do have a lot going for you and don't forget some people reading may want some of what you have... nice husband, fascinating career (rectal exam notwithstanding), cute style and awesome sense of humor!

    As for the husband not taking pictures of you, lots of bloggers go through that... that's why you get a remote and a tripod. ;) Or find some hot neighbor to take pictures of you... I bet that might change his mind!! (Kidding!)

  3. Girl, for serious. Like last week I hit a wall going 90 (emotionally of course) and just totally lost it over the LAMEST of things in my eyes that had all just snowballed into this one big insurmountable obstacle of why I'll never be good enough.

    And like really? Who is anyone else to judge us so why are we doing it to ourselves!?

  4. Can I just "ditto" on your wishes? I feel like a schlebby bum compared to other bloggers, and my husband has turned me asking him to take pictures into a fight. It's not even like I'm asking for weekly style posts pics, for cryin' out loud, just an occasional change to my "about me" or profile pic! If it makes you feel any better, I want your wedding. :)
    This is both a "real" post and a "me, too" post- so thanks.

  5. i completely have this feeling all the time. i've come to believe (hope, really) that all these emotions about feeling unsettled and comparing to others just means we aren't settling for the life we live even if it is great. we want greater!

    on the other hand, the slump is not fun at all. i've been here for quite some time and although my life is pretty decent in regards to career and family/friends, i don't have all i want and other people do. why can't i have what i want?

    and no matter how many times people tell us what we have (husband, job, friends, personality) we still want more. always...

    i am sans husband to even ask about taking my pictures and i'm not ballsy enough for the tripod and remote..but dang it i will get there! :)

    have a great week!

  6. the second to last paragraph made me laugh, the last paragraph made me cringe. and the whole thing made me <3 you!

  7. The fact that your blog is super honest is partially why it is one of my favorites. Blogs that only talk about happiness and sunshine make me want to vomit. I find myself holding back from bitch-slappy my computer monitor. I mean really... Who do they think they are fooling?

    I've been suffering quite a lot from feeling jealous of other peoples' lives. I think it happens when you are in the middle of waiting for something. You're waiting to get through residency. I'm waiting to no longer be radioactive so I can have babies (I had I-131 for thyroid cancer).

    I couldn't have your job. I always thought I wanted to be a doctor, but I don't think so. Watching my dog poop makes me want to gag, there's no way I could do a rectal exam. Just in case you were wondering.

  8. I was just having many of those same feeling a few months ago. Right now I'm pretty happy with my life. It's funny how it comes in waves. Thanks for being so honest on here on your blog. It allows your readers to reflect on their own lives and feelings... so thanks for that. Also, I love that Kurt Cobain quote!

  9. rectal exams... nice. if it makes you feel any better, i get farted on all the time by clients trying to do sit ups or other abdominal moves... (i know that's nowhere near getting shat on, but i'm trying here).
    keep it real, bud. : )

  10. DAMN IT I wrote a huge comment about attitude of gratitude, and how by using that and manifestation I was able to completely change my life in the past couple of months. But the web ate it :( Your feelings are normal and I was totally there not too long ago. I cut out friends/blogs that created negativity/stress in my life and focused on gratitude/positivity. It seems to have attracted a lot of the same as my life has completely changed from 6 months ago. Sending you hugs.....

  11. Uh, thank you. I have been feeling this way far too much lately. I wallowed in it for a bit and then realized it wasn't worth it. Jealousy was running rampid over my life and I really think the majority of it came from the blogworld. Which is not okay or necessary. Thank you for being honest about it. As fantastic as the blogging community is, it can be a little overwhelming at times and make you question every fashion choice, ever.

    And how do those girls get their husbands to take outfit photos all the time!?

  12. Amen, sister. I think this is why I have stopped reading/blogging. I feel like nothing I write about is going to be good enough, and when reading others' posts, I just feel the same way you mentioned. Kudos to you for recognizing it and being honest about it.

  13. what is really quite funny is i was literally JUST thinking about this whole idea (and you, too)... how i wished i had gone to med school and worked my butt off in college vs. the route i went... and blah blah blah blah BLAH... then i realized, i hated working in the hospital. i would HATE my life had i gone to med school... its so easy to focus on what we DON'T like or DON'T want to be be instead of finding the joys that are already there... and you are right, blogging exacerbates the problem...

    ...and then you go mention the rectal exam... and i'm reminded of the man who, upon arrival of ME the admitting clerk, drop trousers and boxers and just STOOD THERE... NAKED... as if he could only answer questions regarding his residence and advanced directive NAKED..

    ...but, in all honesty, there's quite few things i've been sitting and stewing in (would love: a better paying job, a different house, a different city, etc.) and i just dont know HOW to stop feeling like that...?

  14. That's funny that you wrote that because every time lately I never want to read blogs because I'm always looking at them and going 'They're so much prettier than me', or 'They have such a cute husband', 'They have such a great life'. And while they may be true in the blog world, in the real world...who knows. But I love how you keep your blog real, and that's why you're awesome.
    I just have to keep in my mind that not everyone's lives are perfect, and that I just have to keep trying to make my life better. That's harder to do for me than to just say it though!

  15. Thanks for keeping it real :) I started PA school a month and a half ago... and realized I had gotten myself into a very less-than-glamorous situation full of a LOT of stress and no time to do anything but study. Gross anatomy is... well... just the cap on it all. It's pretty bad when the MD/PhD instructor said he felt sorry for us with our schedule... good gravy. Anyway, love your blog. Gives me hope. :) Goodness knows I need it!

  16. "husband who took pictures of me forcryingoutloud"...story of my life.

    I feel this post 100% and know exactly where you are coming from. I'm currently living in germany, traveling, etc etc. well, what people don't really realize is that i'm in a long distance relationship that's killing me, I am the family bitch (yes, it's true), I make 300 euro month, and I have one friend here that I can never see because she lives so far away, and I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Blogs are funny funny things. I currently have a love/hate relationship with not just mine, but everyone elses. It's so easy to write and see only the good. After all, who wants to read a depressing blog all the time? But, that is not real life. No one is perfect.

    Anyway, love your blog. It's always been one of my favs :)


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