i woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.
with a sore throat.
all week, i've felt like i'm drowning.
this time of year gets especially stressful for us emergency medicine residents.
it's the time right before we take our inservice exam
i feel like i've been pushing myself nonstop
go to work
see as many patients as possible
chart as quickly as you can
then come home and studystudystudy.
read more. do more practice questions. get smarter.
i always start to freak out a little when my life becomes singularly focused.
i love the balance of science and art that my life typically has
i love blogging, taking pictures, getting DRESSED, doing my hair
making things around me beautiful.
appreciating the things around me that are beautiful.
it's hard when the scales are tipped too far towards the science.
the harsh, gloomy, not-glamorous science.
i dried my hair as i got out of the shower last night
and realized that i hadn't worn it down in over a week.
i don't think i've worn anything but scrubs and pj's in over a week.
i certainly haven't blogged in over a week.
my life feels out of balance.
and i'm not happy about it.
but there just aren't enough hours in the day to do it all this month.
i have to keep pushing.
there aren't a lot of beautiful things in the ER.
most things are broken and hurting.
but i'm working hard to remember to notice the sunsets
or the way a 3-month-old patient smiles at me
to take pride and joy in the fact that i really am saving lives.
but it still feels like it's not enough.
social media constantly reminds me that there is so much beauty out there
and i feel like i'm missing it.
there are times when the path i've chosen to take
gets particularly hard to journey on.
this is one of them.
bear with me?