finding beauty

posted on: Friday, February 8, 2013

i woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.
with a sore throat.

all week, i've felt like i'm drowning.
this time of year gets especially stressful for us emergency medicine residents.
it's the time right before we take our inservice exam
i feel like i've been pushing myself nonstop
go to work
see as many patients as possible
chart as quickly as you can
movemovemove. gogogo.
then come home and studystudystudy.
read more. do more practice questions. get smarter.

i always start to freak out a little when my life becomes singularly focused.
i love the balance of science and art that my life typically has
i love blogging, taking pictures, getting DRESSED, doing my hair
making things around me beautiful.
appreciating the things around me that are beautiful.
it's hard when the scales are tipped too far towards the science.
the harsh, gloomy, not-glamorous science.

i dried my hair as i got out of the shower last night
and realized that i hadn't worn it down in over a week.
i don't think i've worn anything but scrubs and pj's in over a week.
i certainly haven't blogged in over a week.

my life feels out of balance.
and i'm not happy about it.
but there just aren't enough hours in the day to do it all this month.
i have to keep pushing.
there aren't a lot of beautiful things in the ER.
most things are broken and hurting.
but i'm working hard to remember to notice the sunsets
or the way a 3-month-old patient smiles at me
to take pride and joy in the fact that i really am saving lives.
but it still feels like it's not enough.
social media constantly reminds me that there is so much beauty out there
and i feel like i'm missing it.

there are times when the path i've chosen to take
gets particularly hard to journey on.
this is one of them.

bear with me?

images: [1] [2]


  1. Emily! It's okay! You need to focus on your career and saving lives, we can just chillax. I wish I saved lives! xx

  2. girl.. you will get there.. you might look like a wreck with your ponytailed hair and pjs (gasp!), but you will get there.. and then you can laugh about this?

    or just get naked.

    i mean, you talked about appreciating the beauty out there, right? (;

    (disclaimer: i'm sure you won't look like a wreck.. maybe a small fender bender, but certainly no wreck..)


  3. of course i will be here. life gets crazy, and you are out there saving lives.

  4. I know what you mean about the whole balance thing. My husband is trying to finish his dissertation and it's ALL about work right now. It definitely doesn't feel right. But you gotta do what you gotta do sometimes. I hate to feel like I am wishing time away, but I know it will get better.

  5. We will always bear with you.
    Everything that you are doing and learning is so much more than the beautiful things you think you are missing. There will be a time and a place for the beautiful things.
    Thank you for working so hard and saving lives and getting smarter - it is the plan for you for right now. It is just a phase or season in your life... There is so much more to come.

    Happy weekend pretty lady x

  6. hang in there. i'm not a big poster of comments but this post really struck a chord with me. there is nothing more beautiful than touching lives. it's easy to lose sight of that in the blog/pinterest/instagram world of perfect hair, en vogue wardrobes and peachy photography, but your profession will never go out of style.


  7. I feel the same way right now. I feel like my life revolves around my job and patients. I guess we just have to have faith that we learn how to better balance and have faith that we are doing the right thing.

  8. Balance. What a bitch. I never seem to pin her down...

    Sending a little something your way, beautiful friend. Be on the look out.

  9. Aww. You're doing an awesome job! I mean, you ARE saving lives! That in of itself is one of the greatest things someone could do.
    I'm sorry that things are hard for you from time to time, especially because of your job.
    I hope you make sure to take time for yourself as much as you can, and just enjoy things.
    We, as your readers, support you :)


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