this is not a post about what i did this weekend. this is a post about what i did TWO weekends ago. we're really breaking new ground here.
last saturday, my friends threw me a baby shower. it was absolutely beautiful. the flowers were gorgeous. the food was amazing. the setting was idyllic. every detail was perfect. and somehow, they managed to pull it all off after changing the date once, and the location twice. the shower was originally going to be held at the beautiful home of one of my attending physicians. when i got admitted to the hospital, the date was moved up a few weeks and the location was moved to the hospital so they could bring the party to me. when i was discharged the week before the shower, they moved mountains--and the baby shower--so that i didn't have to go back to that hospital any more than i already had to. god bless them.
the threat of premature delivery tends to put a rush on having a baby shower, especially when it's your first baby and you have literally nothing that you need. granted, had Lyla been born that early, she would have stayed in the NICU for quite some time, and we'd have had time to get what we needed. but the unpredictability of it all was stressing me out. i hadn't even packed a hospital bag or bought a single diaper before i was admitted to the hospital back in March. the thought of leaving the hospital with a baby and having to stop by Target for essentials on the way home just made me want to vomit. dramatic? yes. but when one is growing a human, small concessions for drama must be made.
these are not the things that cause the world to stop spinning on its axis. of this i am acutely aware. not having loads of baby gear doesn't even register on the Richter scale when compared to say, planes going missing or avalanches or sinking ferries. but as i've said before--and i'm sure i'll say it again--just because it could be worse, doesn't mean it doesn't still suck.
my friends hooked me up in a big way. by the time they had finished, i was completely set. right down to the lanolin and the Boudreaux's butt paste. and the gifts are still trickling in.
i feel loved and cared for in a way that is difficult for me to put into words. i'm not always comfortable being taken care of. as a physician, i feel more at home being the caretaker. this whole experience has stretched me in that regard. not only have i been completely removed from my role as a lifesaver, i also can't go to the grocery store for myself or lift a jumbo pack of toilet paper.
in the broad scheme of things, baby showers are pretty minor. but it was still important to me to have one. i feel lucky to have people in my life that know me well enough to know that, and love me enough to make it happen. my friends made sure that, despite how complicated my pregnancy has been, it was still as "normal" as it could possibly be.
now i sit here at home, surrounded by baby gifts and baby gear, and things are starting to feel a little more normal. my belly is getting larger and more cumbersome, which makes it harder to move around...and easier for me to resign myself to bed rest. every time i start to feel like a beached whale, i stop and say a little thank you that i've made it this far. gotten this big.
yesterday i hit 30 weeks. this milestone was huge for us, as it meant that we got to rip up the consent we had signed for Lyla to be enrolled in a NICU research study. the details are unimportant, but the point is, she no longer qualifies for enrollment, because she is TOO BIG. god it feels good to be able to say that. but for the record, she can feel free to plateau around seven pounds...for the sake of my lady parts. yikes. but damn it feels good to worry about lady parts again. for such a long time, i was worried about feeding tubes and brain bleeds. those worries are starting to fade, a little at a time. and i must admit, when compared to worrying about a baby in the NICU, i can handle worrying about perineal tears and hemorrhoids.
bring. it. on.