Em=Me

thursday night dinner

2012-02-10T07:00:00.000-06:00

oh hey there.

last night i made dinner.

delicious, no?

i mustered up the energy in my post-operative recovery state

and whipped up some delicious Linguine alla Vongole

(linguine with clams)

"there are 3 lemons. i asked for 12. baby wanted 12."

when a recipe calls for wine, what to do with the rest of the bottle?...

he makes me happy.

dishing it up

taking care of me.

we've been trying to replicate this recipe

holy seafood.

from our trip to Kos last summer

and i think we're almost there

last night's was delectable.

even though the fresh parsley i was SURE that we had already

turned out to be cilantro once we got home from the grocery store

so we used dried parsley.

not the same.

here we are at Nick the Fisherman's in Kos Town

look how tan and happy and bald (Nick) we are.

[fact: i wore the same earrings today that i was wearing in that picture.]

thank you all for your concern about my surgery.

it was super minor.

excision of a mole that had a (low) suspicion for malignancy

but that doesn't mean it hurts minorly.

procedures involving any part of the rib cage are the worst.

you can't move, or breathe, or cough, or sneeze

without excruciating pain.

awesome.

and today i start my MICU rotation.

i miiiight have had a minor nervous breakdown last night.

and by might, i clearly mean, definitely did.

wish me luck.

role reversal

2012-02-08T23:21:00.000-06:00

today, i traded in my Superman skivvies

for my Clark Kent alter ego.

in other words, i went from being the doctor

to being the patient.

this morning i got up

put on my scrubs

made my coffee

and went to work

i spent my day

consulting orthopedics for the tibia/fibula fracture

then later for the hip fracture

sent the baby boy (who was aggressively head-banging in his high chair to the point of needing stitches) home

then i intubated one patient

did an ultrasound on another one looking for free fluid in their belly

waited for the MICU to answer my page

(which never happened. stupid MICU.)

and i also ate lunch.

a totally unrelated photo of me drinking champagne from the bottle. class class class.

then i raced out of work

jumped on the highway

and drove to *another* hospital

checked in

and hopped up on the exam table

next thing i know,

i'm signing consent forms

on the line marked "patient"

getting prepped

and draped

and shot up with local anesthetic

being asked, "does this hurt?"

(yes.)

"are you comfortable?"

(no.)

"we're done. wanna see?"

(not really.)

then i'm having a pressure dressing placed

and being given specific instructions

not to get it wet for 48 hours

or drink alcohol for 48 hours

or work out for one week

then i'm picking up prescriptions

and driving myself home

to a hubby-cooked meal

and a warm fire in the fireplace.

now i'm all hopped up on tylenol

and struggling with saran wrap and duck tape in the shower

(to keep my dressing dry...note: this method is not effective. lesson learned.)

trying to look pitiful

so the huz will keep waiting on me hand and foot.

...

for the record,

i much prefer it on the stethoscope-wearing side of the table.

being a patient is less than fun.

also for the record,

you all are amazing.

and you say the nicest, most wonderful things.

thank you...from the apex of my left ventricle

(that's "bottom of my heart" in layman's terms.

i just made it up.

now you have a new way to say iloveyou to your honey.

just in time for V-day.

you're welcome.)

the glamorous life of a doctor

2012-01-31T18:09:00.002-06:00

[via]

lately i haven't felt much like blogging.

over the past few weeks
a lot of the bloggers i read have all been experiencing the same existential crisis
blogging was becoming addicting
and then it was this great global connector that served to build incredible friendships
and then it was driving a wedge between husbands and wives
and for me, it was a reminder that i exist outside of the internet
and need to focus on my "real" life too

all of this discussion made me respect and admire the bloggers i read even more.
i loved them for taking the time to live well-examined lives
and for articulating it all so beautifully for all to savor
i love the relationships i've built, and the people i've met,
and i've loved sharing in their stories.
i've loved having my friends and family say, "loved your blog post today"
it felt good to be part of the internet community in my own little way.

but.

then the bad thoughts began.
i'm type A.
comparison is the name of my game.
and oh did i ever compare.
my blog didn't have as many followers as hers (most bloggers are ladies. it's a fact.)
my post didn't get as many comments as hers
should i have replied directly to that comment?
am i making my followers feel ignored by choosing not to respond to them?
should i be investing more time into blogging?

i felt completely unoriginal
unsuccessful
and redundant.

not to mention the flak i began to get from friends of mine who thought blogging was odd.

i'm sure i'm not alone in these thoughts and feelings
but at this juncture, maybe a little perspective would be helpful:
i'm an intern.
an Emergency Medicine intern.
my whole life is about people telling me how i need to be better
read more. study more.
try not to kill anyone. (no pressure.)
do this procedure THIS way, not that way.
"you're a danger to yourself and most of your patients" (yes. that happened.)
stand in the middle of a group of 20 people and answer this question immediately before someone yells at you or makes fun of you for not knowing (this happens daily.)
i'm constantly reminded of how far i have to go.
my superiors are constantly putting me in my place.
putting me down.

not to mention,
i'm an Air Force Officer.
they own me.
they tell me what to wear.
how to wear my hair.
which nail polish i can wear.
how much makeup i can wear.
how to walk. WHERE to walk.
when to stand, sit, pee, salute.
creativity and individuality is not an option.

[i tried to get creative with an outfit on a day i was allowed to wear civvies
and it did not go over well.
let's just say the military and i have very different definitions of "business casual"
and that i'll be wearing my uniform from now on]

it just got to be too much.
i couldn't stand to be beating myself up about blogging
when i was getting beat up from so many other angles.
the blog used to be a place for me to be a creative individual
when the military wouldn't let me express that side of myself
but eventually i began to get paranoid that getting inspiration from other bloggers
was beginning to look a lot like plagiarism
and the vicious cycle repeated itself: unoriginal, unsuccessful, etc.

so i took a hiatus.

i don't know if you missed me,
but i missed you.
and i'm thankful for the few who've asked me where i've been
and encouraged me to come back.
i'd like to think i would've been brave enough to come back regardless of what you think
but it sure feels nice to be wanted.

did you know that doctors feel small too?
well, we do.
at least this one does.

a lil outfit post

2012-01-20T10:02:00.002-06:00

a couple of you

(okay, maybe more like one of you...)

said i should do more outfit posts.

i was flattered.

and also all, dude. i put on real clothes like, once a week.

but last night was one of those times.

so i took pikchas.

jacket: anthro

shirt: J.crew

pants: anthro

necklace: F21

shoes: Jimmy Choo

lips: MAC pencil in Vino

still haven't figured out how to convince the hubs to take pictures of me

hence all the slightly awkward self portraits.

in light of that,

my request that he do a vlog with me was pretty stupid.

one day, we watched Meg+Stephen's vlog

and i asked him, "would you ever do a vlog with me?"

and he was like "hmmm. maybe?? it'd have to be about something fun."

me: "what's fun?"

him: "sex is fun."

this is SO not that kind of blog.

so we might be lightyears away from seeing Nick's Cali dimple scruffy face live on video

but i, personally, am not opposed to vlogging.

but about what?

ideas?

questions?

help me.

help me, help you.

some recipes

2012-01-18T07:00:00.000-06:00

a couple of you asked for the cake recipe.

lemon raspberry cake

i'm an obliging girl.

here ya go:

*1 cup shortening (I used Crisco.)

*2 cups sugar

*4 eggs

*3 cups sifted cake flour (I just used all-purpose flour. And couldn't tell a difference.)

*2 1/2 tsps baking powder

*1/2 tsp salt

*1 cup milk

*1 tsp almond extract

*1 tsp vanilla extract

*10 tbsp seedless raspberry preserves (give or take)

Preheat oven to 375.

Beat the shortening well. Gradually add sugar to shortening while beating well. Add eggs one at a time, while continue to beat well. Combine the flour, baking powder and salt. Add to the creamed mixture alternately with the milk. Begin and end with flour. Finally, add the almond and vanilla extracts.

Bake in 3 greased and floured 8 or 9 inch round cake pans at 375 degrees for 18-20 minutes until golden. Cool in pans for 10 minutes, then remove from pans and cool completely on wire racks. Split each cake in half horizontally (creating 6 total layers). Spread each layer with approximately 2 Tbsp of the raspberry preserves.

Note: I used non-seedless raspberry preserves because I had it handy. It really doesn't make that huge of a difference. You'll just find yourself picking a few seeds out of your teeth. If you're making this cake for a new crush, maybe stick to the seedless.

Lemon Buttercream Icing:

1 1/4 cup softened butter

2 tsp grated lemon rind

3 tbsp lemon juice

3 cups sifted powdered sugar

Let the butter sit out until it's soft (if you try to cheat and microwave it, it'll require a lot more powdered sugar to get the icing the right consistency), then add lemon rind and lemon juice and combine. Add sifted powdered sugar little by little and beat until smooth.

**Couple more notes. I've only made homemade icing a couple other times in my life, and it's been years. I couldn't remember exactly which consistency the icing was supposed to be to make it actually STAY on the side of the cake. (if it's too runny, it'll just slide down the side of the cake.) PLUS, I used a lemon that my little brother sent me from his lemon tree...so no pesticides. I don't know if the lemon had anything to do with it, but I had to use way more than 3 cups of powdered sugar to get the icing the right consistency. And still I jumped the gun and ended up with icing running down the sides of my cake. So my point is, give the icing a little tender loving care. And good luck. Mine was a big fat failure, so I got nothing.

none of you asked for this next recipe.

how could you?

you didn't even know it existed.

you're welcome.

grilled citrus tuna steak

from another angle. (:

*two 4-6 oz. tuna steaks

*pinch of salt and pepper

*3 Tbs. extra-virgin olive oil, divided

*2 Tbs. soy sauce

*1 tsp. freshly minced ginger

*2 cloves garlic, minced

*1/2 cup chopped cilantro

*juice of 1 lime, plus the zest

*1 tsp. sugar

*1/2 avocado, thinly sliced

*4 cups spinach

Season both sides of the tuna steaks with salt and pepper.

In a small bowl, whisk together 2 Tbs. EVOO, soy sauce, ginger, garlic, cilantro, lime juice, zest, and sugar. Add the fish and marinate for at least 2 hours in the fridge.

In a small skillet, heat the last Tbs of oil. Add the spinach and wilt slightly. Season with salt and pepper. Remove form heat and set aside.

Remove the steaks from the marinade and sear for 2 minutes on each side. Keep it rare in the center.

Pour the remaining marinade into a small saucepan and reduce until it becomes thick, 2 minutes.

Top the wilted spinach with the grilled fish, followed by the sliced avocado and drizzle the reduction on top.

thank you foodgawker.

enjoy!

email me if you have any questions.

dirty thirty

2012-01-17T11:11:00.001-06:00

yesterday the flemings reached a milestone.

one of us turned 30.

and it was not me.

bwahahahaha

(i'm so gonna get it when i turn 30)

i worked the 3p-11p shift on Sunday night

so i was sleeping when Nick woke up at 6am to get ready for work

...or so he thought...

we ended up getting a Sonos music system for Christmas

and the great thing about it is that you can control your music wirelessly via your iPhone

from any room in the house

like the bedroom

while Nick is in the kitchen making coffee

and you can blast Tim McGraw's "My Next Thirty Years"

at 6am.

not saying i did that.

just saying i could

...

birthday cake

i baked him a cake.

incidentally, i was skyping Megan whilst baking,

and i believe that i belittled her very existence in my act of domestication,

as evidenced by the following tweet:

oops.

i can't help it that i'm equal parts domestic goddess and driven career-woman

and if you believe that,

then you haven't been reading this very long.

but i digress.

Nick got off work early

and came home to be surprised by his cake

which we did not immediately delve into

because we were headed for lunch

italian wine is the prettiest. (and the driest amiright?)

we went to Dough

when given the choice between sparkling or still, we ALWAYS sparkle.

Dough is an amazing Napolitano pizzeria

and hidden gem in San Antonio

that also makes their own mozzarellas and burratas

winter burrata, with leeks, baby portobellos, and pancetta

cannellini bean soup

crack bread. it's addicting.

their oven. brought over on a ship. from Naples, Italy. blam.

oh hey.

we had a delightful lunch

because I had to work again at 3pm

sads.

self-timer self portraits are the best.

it wasn't ideal

but around here, these days, we take what we can get.

*love*

and sometimes, what you can get, is cake.

lemon raspberry cake with lemon buttercream frosting

so Nick, if you're reading this (which you rarely do),

i'm so proud of who you're becoming

and i genuinely believe you are the most handsome 30-year-old to walk this earth.

you have so many gifts and talents

and you love me so well.

i feel incredibly blessed to walk through life with you

and i can't wait to see what the next 30 years hold.

happy birthday!

matters most

2012-01-11T20:53:00.003-06:00

have we talked about my love for the Avett Bros?

either way,

it bears repeating.

a lil' something for you to listen to while you read...

so Nick came home on Sunday.

color me delighted.

but now he's sick.

probably (read: most definitely) from ringing in 2012 a little too robustly.

i failed to pictorially document our blessed reunion.

but i will tell you this:

he got a tattoo.

it travels down the right side of his torso

(along what persons such as myself might call the mid-axillary line)

and it reads: "as it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be. amen."

from this prayer:

Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit,

as it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.

which i think is beautiful.

and is also, as it turns out, one hell of an aphrodisiac.

and that is all i have to say about that.

what else has been going on?

i've been designing my research protocol for the past two weeks

during the...drumroll please...Intern Research Course

i'll be curing AIDS, then cancer

thankyouverymuch.

seriously though,

it's a study looking at how well Emergency Physicians are able to detect wooden foreign bodies using ultrasound.

wake up.

you fell asleep.

so i won't be winning any Nobel prizes.

at least I'll be able to graduate.

maybe get my name on a paper or something.

[via]

there's been a bit of a movement in the blogosphere

i'm not sure where it started,

but i caught wind of it via E and Jenni

to sum up,

blogging can be addicting.

people are ignoring their kids and their husbands in favor of attending to their blogs.

i've fallen prey to this too.

(obviously not too hard,

as anyone who has grown accustomed to my sporadic posting habits and nonexistent comment-reply protocol can attest.)

but still.

we all crave the community we can build with our blogs.

it's incredibly gratifying.

but there's more to life.

MUCH more.

and while the blogging community is shrinking the world in a truly remarkable way

and the friendships formed in it are genuine and real,

we all have "real" lives

with families and friends and spouses and kiddos and coworkers

...and--if you're me--patients...

right in front of our faces

daily.

and maybe *they* are what matter most?

what am i taking away from all this?

i'm using it as an excuse to continue with my status quo.

it's been sanctioned now.

kidding.

but seriously.

when i start to feel guilty about neglecting my blog

because i've been studying for my ER inservice exam...

or reading about Emergency Medicine...

or completing one of my bajillions of assignments that come with residency...

or writing a research protocol that could change the face of medicine...

(okay that will never happen. let it go.)

or treating patients..

or, most importantly, hanging out with my husband...

i'm going to stop

(feeling guilty, that is)

because i'm reminded that it's not all that important.

this began as a form of catharsis for me.

and a form of catharsis it shall remain.

no more.

no less.

but i still love you all.

and treasure your words and your blogs.

don't stop doing what you're doing.

you're making the world a cozier and more beautiful place.

a few

2012-01-05T22:42:00.000-06:00

i was bad about taking photos this holiday season.

go ahead, slap my hand.

here's a few of my faves.

the broheim and his lady.

i wuz there.

present for my mama. she likes red.

hungry beast.

a face i grew up with most of my life.

pretty sissy.

an old cuban. did the job nicely.

those first images were from my trip home to FL.

i feel bad that i left out half my family in these pics.

but in my defense, i was recovering from food poisoning.

blam.

now, we go back to Tejas.

mistletoe is a necessity.

christmas cards. LOVE getting them. (hint hint)

you need Cowboy boot stockings in Texas.

but you must also remember your roots. with a flamingo. unofficial FL state bird.

welcome to our house!

be proud of me. i hung wedding pictures.

more bars...in more places.

lights

find the pickle...

ella's stocking.

it's a charlie brown-ish christmas in this house.

my Xmas eve view: hubby, kitty, a fire, and It's a Wonderful Life. and it is.

i don't know if i made this clear,

but Nick's out of town.

this is his vacay week. which is clearly different from my vacay week.

and that, my friends, is unfortunate.

(it's also a long story)

i was thinking about it though...

Nick and I have been together for 5 holiday seasons now.

and we've only spent one New Year's Eve together.

and we've NEVER spent an NYE together since we got married.

next year....

next year.

anyway.

it flat-out sucked not having him here for my birthday.

yesterday i was suffering from post-bday blues.

i missed my huz.

i felt old (no thanks to my sibbies, who daily remind me that i'm ancient).

i felt lonely coming home to an empty house.

and frankly, i missed the attention.

there.

i said it.

today was much better.

mostly because i bought new jeans.

and because i began my day to this jam:

what have we learned from this video?

VS models can't dance.

that sh*t cray.

28

2012-01-03T16:01:00.000-06:00

[via]

today is my birthday.

28 years old.

last year, i celebrated finding love

i got married

with two ceremonies in Italy

then we celebrated stateside six weeks later

so it really felt like we were getting married all year.

this year, i celebrated finding myself.

i matched into an Emergency Medicine residency

and am now fulfilling a 12-year dream of becoming a doctor

i work in place where i am challenged daily,

praised for my performance,

and encouraged to be even better.

i have a husband that i am deeply in love with

who isn't threatened by my success

but instead thrives on it

and spurs me on towards excellence

and is there for me, understanding, at the end of a long day

we support each other

and cherish the little time we get to spend together.

it's a beautiful and rare time that i know i'll always look back on and be thankful for.

i have a family that loves me,

knows where i've come from,

and has given me freedom to pursue my dream

even though it means they have to miss me a lot of the time.

i have friends all over the country

who love me from a distance

and give me excuses to travel all over to visit them

and who are constantly telling me they believe in me

it's priceless.

i am part of a community of bloggers

who are incredibly supportive

of me pouring forth my stream of consciousness onto the internet

and echo many of my hopes and fears

making the world feel smaller and more cozy.

i love that.

[via]

27 was a phenomenal year of coming into my own

in so many ways.

i have more confidence than i've ever had

and a peace that comes with knowing that i'm exactly where i'm supposed to be

doing what i was created to do

loving who i was intended to love.

28,

you have some big shoes to fill

here's to you.

make me proud.

cheers, darlin

new year's eve: what i wore

2012-01-02T10:20:00.000-06:00

i can't even believe it's 2012.

all night last night i was writing "01Jan2012" on all my dr's orders

and it was totally tripping me out.

my birthday is tomorrow.

28...get ready for me.

usually the new year is a time for me to reflect on the year behind me

and contemplate hopes and dreams for the year ahead

since the new year and the next year of my life have their onset at pretty much the same time

i get all moody and sentimental and deep

(which, let's be honest, isn't all that great of a departure from my norm)

but...

i haven't had time to wallow in contemplation much thus far in '12

i've been working 12-hr night shifts

and the world is a blur.

i did have NYE off though.

so, naturally, i night-owled it up and tried to stay on my night shift schedule

i had to, amiright?

hey there

i'll be honest

i got fancy drunk on NYE

the drunkenness wasn't all that out of the ordinary

but the fanciness was.

exhibit A.

blazer: Elizabeth & James.

dress: Sheri Bodell.

nails: "the full monty" Butter London.

lips: MAC "chance encounter" and "red enriched"

shoes: jessica simps

me and my date for the evening, my residency bff Stacy (:

it was a fun night.

now LAST night,

back at work...

there was this crazy patient

who got hisself stabbed in the neck

he rolled in all slumped over the stretcher

not breathing

then he came to and started screaming about his leg hurting?

anyways.

his blood pressure was crazy-low

so they gave him meds so we could intubate.

and then i did.

always a pleasure, that intubation.

how i love it.

luckily,

i remembered to sterilize all the blood off my stethoscope

since my next patient was a 5 day old baby.

crazytown.

now leave me some love.

i'm going to get some sleep

so i can wake up and get ready to turn 28.

merry christmas. still.

2011-12-26T21:59:00.000-06:00

c/o Minted

i know what you're thinking...

"Christmas is over, Emily. silly girl."

and i know this.

i'm also depressed about it.

so i'm keeping the spirit alive by sending you our Christmas card

(which you already got in the mail if i have your address)

Nick goes back to work tomorrow

and I go back Wednesday

I'm working nights

and Nick leaves on NYE to go back home to Cali

without me.

so basically i'm coming off the high of the holidays

with a major crash and burn.

help me through this.

and Merry day-after Christmas!

headed home

2011-12-23T10:34:00.001-06:00

I never used to be a crier.
Not sure what changed, really...
But now I find myself moved to tears over the littlest things.
just last night I was crying as I thought about leaving today

I went home to see my family in Florida
And now I'm waiting to board a plane back to Texas
So Nick and I can spend our very first Christmas together...alone
Make sense?
It's our first couple-Christmas without our families.

We're excited.
We have big plans.
Lots of fun food and relaxation to be had.
Our Christmas tree has had presents under it for weeks
(when it's just the two of us, there's no Santa rouse to keep up..)
And we get THREE WHOLE DAYS OFF. TOGETHER.
I know. It's huge.

Yet, excited as I am to see my hubby,
I find myself getting all sentimental about my first ever Xmas without my family
Not just for myself
But also for my sibbies
They're used to my brother being gone for Christmas
But I've always been there.
Now he's home, and I'm gone
Must suck for them to always have part of their family missing.

But this is what's supposed to happen.
We grow up. We move on.
We start new families and have to leave our origins behind sometimes.
It's just part of it. Something my sibbies will understand more someday..
When they leave home and grow up too.

As for me, Nick and I have our own little family now.
Just us and our kitty.
We're starting our own Christmas traditions.
It's bittersweet.
Either way, I can't wait to see him.

(:

And I'm guest-posting today on Megan's lil bloggie
So if you're joining me from there, welcome.
Hope you'll stay awhile.
I'm not always this mushy and sentimental.
There's usually a more-than-healthy dose of sarcasm as well.
These holidays, man! They're a-tuggin on my heart strings!
(doesn't that totally sound like something someone from Texas would say??!?)
(I'm learning.)

P.s. sorry for the total lack of image. I'm posting from the Houston airport. On my iPad. And my ish is giving me fits...

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Catching up a bit...

2011-12-20T06:49:00.001-06:00

Once again, life is a whirlwind.
What?
At christmastime?
Never.
Tis true, my friends. Tis true.

Here's what's been up:

Creating a habitat for humanity.
Me and my intern besties wielding hammer and nail
To put a roof on a house for someone.
Doctors building houses?
Let's hope it doesn't rain. For the homeowners' sakes.

99 bottles of wine on the wall...
Date night.
At a wine bar.
A truly phenomenal idea.

A chandelier made entirely of wine glasses.
Totally brill.

Christmas cards: mailed.
Check.

And now I'm in Tampa, FL.
Visiting my brother and gearing up for a #blate
With this gem of a lady...

Oh Sarah you make my life.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:N Franklin St,Tampa,United States

baby talk

2011-12-14T11:22:00.000-06:00

[via]

can i be real for a second?

ok good.

i'm not even sure where to begin.

this is a topic that's been rumbling around in my head for months

why today?

i think i followed just enough mommy bloggers to push me right over the edge

...crickets...

kidding. kind of.

anyway.

once you've been married for more than five minutes,

people start asking you when you're going to be having babies.

this used to piss me off.

Nick and i got married in med school.

and were still busting our humps to get into residency to continue our training.

i got all offended that people would assume that,

after working SO hard

for SO long,

i would just put my career on hold to become june-effing-cleaver.

maybe i felt a little strongly about this.

maybe.

now we're in residency.

working opposite schedules most of the time.

[example: me: 3pm-11pm him: 6am-6pm]

and while i don't necessarily mind my ease-into-it mornings

where i sleep in until 9 or 10am

then read blogs and study with a cup of coffee in hand

until it's time to go to work

this never-seeing-each-other tends to make marriage somewhat difficult.

(it especially makes baby-making difficult. but that is a discussion for another day.)

and yet people STILL badger me with the baby question.

it's actually a running joke amongst my fellow residents.

they think it's hilarious to ask me--daily--if i'm pregnant.

i get all offended and pissy and "are you calling me fat?!?"

fun game.

the truth of the matter is,

i would love to have a baby.

there.

i said it.

[via]

just because i'm all sciencey and doctory and airforcey

doesn't mean that i don't have a maternal clock that ain't ticking.

but clocks aside, being a mom has always been something i've wanted.

always.

it's a major part of the reason i CHOSE emergency medicine

because it is a specialty that will allow me flexibility in the future

so that i CAN have it all

a career i love

and a family i love.

just not right now.

and that's probably why i get so testy.

i hate it when i can't do something.

i'm a doer. a type A.

when i want shit to happen, i make it happen.

and no matter how much i try to tell myself that i'm CHOOSING

to wait until a better time to have a baby

it still feels like someone is telling me "you can't".

[via]

plus there's the fact that it seems everyone around me is having babies.

friends.

bloggers.

fellow residents, even.

and pinterest is no help at ALL.

i feel like i'm getting left behind.

like everyone's lives are moving forward,

while i'm still stuck just pursuing my dreams.

as if that were something small...pursuing your dreams.

so please forgive me for my snarky comments about babies and bloggers.

it's really coming from a place of sadness deep within me.

and i'm just now becoming enough of a grown-up to call it what it is.

and thank you, dear blogosphere,

for being a place where people talk about this stuff.

that's all.

favorite things #8

2011-12-13T07:04:00.000-06:00

[via]

i need me some rain boots.

i've had my eye on some hunters for a loooong time.

(is it weird that the chick in the hunter ad is dancing in rainboots

on a day that is rather decidedly sunny?)

can't decide on a color though.

conundrum.

[via]

red is always a lovely choice.

but then again,

the hipster in me loves these devil-may-care classics

[via]

or maybe these Jcrew exclusives?

i DO love me some shearling.

and waterproof?

bring on the snow, Colorado. i'll see you in February.

(p.s. we're going snowboarding in February. did i forget to tell you?)

[via]

damn you, Jcrew.

you've got me again.

today i'm having a thrilling day of reading ER textbooks

and going to the dermatologist.

any and all commentary you might have on

these footwear options

would be a much-welcomed distraction.

favorite things #7

2011-12-06T12:02:00.001-06:00

happy monday!

this is a picture of me and my huz

together

both awake and vertical.

glad i took it.

since the next time we'll be this way won't be until Friday

self portraits are the shizzle.

side note:

those of you who have friends/husbands who like to take pictures...

BE GRATEFUL.

the alternative is the ever-popular iPhone self-portrait.

and in case you were wondering:

on me- dress:Zara, jacket:TJ Maxx, boots:Frye, leg warmers:F21, tights:can't remember

scarf:found in a lecture hall

on him- pants:BR, shirt:Express, sweater:Jcrew

our schedules aren't terrible right now

they're just totally opposite.

which pretty much translates as terrible, in my book.

ilovemyjob ilovemyjob ilovemyjob

here's what's next on my list of favorite things:

[via]

or...

[via]

i love them both.

i can't decide.

i haven't worn a watch in years.

always said that i had a cell phone...didn't need one.

but if i had one of these babies,

i just might make an exception.

plus,

you have no idea just how many applications there are for a watch in medicine

taking pulses...

timing pauses in heart rates...

coaching a patient through vagal maneuvers to break supraventricular tachycardia...

the list is endless, really.

which one would you pick?

favorite things #6

2011-12-06T11:30:00.001-06:00

sista needs some tech accessories.

my new iPad has a pretty green smart cover

but she needs more protection.

something classy.

[via]

that'll do Pig, that'll do.

[via]

this one is deeeevine.

and very "dear"

as my friend Stephen would say.

i also need an iPhone case.

my pretty Kate Spade one from last year busted.

[via]

in case i'm feeling cheeky.

[via]

i neeeeed one.

favorite things: 3, 4, & 5

2011-12-05T10:35:00.001-06:00

what i'm loving today...

this dress.

so sexy, yet demure.

and the red lip?

stop it right now.

chambray with sequins.

and those red mary janes.

perfect way to make sequins more chic, and less disco.

see if i don't try this with my blue sequined mini...

just you watch.

stripes.

of all sizes.

and again with the red lip.

sheesh.

all of these images are brought to you by the one and only J.Crew

(really, it's Jenna Lyons. who wore J.Crew except preps and ivy-leaguers...which might be the same thing...before J.L. came along? no one. that's who. now every girl wants to be that girl with the slightly confused expression on her perfectly made-up face on the cover of the catalog.)

you know the one.

love her.

things money can't buy

2011-12-02T16:00:00.001-06:00

it's been a blur of a day

i got home from work at midnight

but was too wired from all the coffee to fall asleep

finally passed out (with the aid of a white russian) at 1:15

had to be up at 7 to make it to Grand Rounds

(mandatory Friday lecture series)

then went to the grocery store on my way home

so i could still feel like a good little housewife

and put some food on the table for my husband for pete's sake

thanks to the beauty that is the crockpot

i can do that

even though i'm headed out the door to go BACK to work again right now

we're working opposite schedules right now

i'm asleep when he leaves for work at 6am

he's asleep when i get home from work at 12am

and repeat.

it's a vicious cycle.

but today,

my favorite thing

is the Post-it.

which allows us to keep in touch

yes, we both have iPhones

but it's so much more intimate to come home

and find that little yellow square full of love

waiting for you on the kitchen counter

...somehow.

oh, and he leaves the Christmas lights on for me when I get home too.

this Christmas season

has thus far been defined by our post-it love-notes.

and i'm totally okay with that.

new day

2011-12-01T11:06:00.001-06:00

"Marilla, isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?"

-Lucy Maud Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

yesterday was just awful.

i'm one of those people for whom things tend to snowball

one thing goes wrong...

and then another...

and another..

you get the idea.

not the greatest quality for a doctor to have, let me tell you

i should work on being more resilient.

some days i am.

"unflappable" is the word one of my evaluators used.

but not yesterday.

it all culminated in me writing a very gripy blog post

that my iPad then promptly ate up

it just disappeared.

so i threw in the towel and hit the sack.

probably best that way.

i'll spare you the gory details.

let's just say i thanked God in heaven above for this pinterest gem

on to today!

it's December 1st.

traditionally,

(as in, last year, i did this. that's the extent of the tradition. don't judge.)

December is the month where i count down to Christmas day

with a list of my favorite things.

sort of a long, drawn-out Christmas wish list

-slash-

favorite things about Christmastime

it's fun for me.

fun for you.

and gives my loved ones brilliant ideas of what to get me.

so.

without further ado.

favorite thing #1

Sonos Play:5

it's not just a speaker.

it's a whole wireless system that you can control

from your iPhone or iPad

and access iTunes, Spotify, Pandora, iHeartRadio, whatever from

it would basically be a dream come true.

we've been lacking a speaker system

or really ANY means other than a laptop

for playing music.

this would be the ultimate hi-tech solution.

i'm crossing my fingers that Santa pulls through...

happy December!

scenes from turkey day

2011-11-25T18:09:00.001-06:00

i'm drinking hot apple cider

out of my Christmas mug

watching The Wedding Date

(not Christmasy...but still a guilty pleasure. Dermott Mulroney...ohemgee)

basically, life is fantastic.

i am STILL feeling thankful.

so let's relive, shall we?

pre-roasting of the bird.

best part about making champagne turkey for t-giving?

having an excuse to buy that second bottle...

for drinking mimosas while it roasts

poppin' bottles

me and champagne are friends.

in my family, we let 12-year-olds drink mimosas.

when the 12-year-old is as tall as you are,

you figure her liver can metabolize a schmitch of the bubbly.

the turkey is a boozer.

16 year olds become docile when forced to peel apples.

she's clearly shy.

puh-leez.

homegirl signs all her emails (yes, she has an email account) "lil diva"

just because.

she's a pretty one. with her fuchsia feathers.

finally done!

spinach balls. a vegetable for good measure.

the grown-up table. i didn't sit here.

but i totally swiped one of those bottles for MY table.

here's hoping the Thanksgiving holiday will manage to prevail past last Thursday.

i had the day off

but i went back to work Friday and have been there ever since

day after Thanksgiving, i had to tell a patient he had a mass in his brain.

happy thanksgiving, you have brain cancer.

puts things into perspective a bit, eh?

hope you're finding lots to be thankful for

AND

that you have someone that loves you as much as this...

somebody i'm married to had this little gem waiting for me when i got home from work

#blessed

giving thanks

2011-11-24T21:48:00.001-06:00

i spent a very delightful day

cooking and eating delicious food

watching football

painting nails

watching youtube vids

with my family

and i am so very thankful for them

and for...

+my cozy house

+my car that still works

(Marvin is his name. he turns 10 next year.)

+my job that i love and am so fulfilled by

(even though i'm not thrilled about going to work at 0630 tomorrow morning)

+my snuggly kitty, Ella

+passing my boards

(now i can apply for a medical license!)

+being DONE with the CCU

+amazing friends that love me at my worst and believe in me so wholeheartedly

+health-that my body will do what i want it to, when i want it to

but most especially...

photo by JL Photography

for this guy

who still looks at me that way

and put a hot meal on the table every.night. i worked in the CCU

and cleans the bathrooms

and lets me snuggle him whenever i want

and always rubs my leg when we're riding in the truck just so i know he's there

and gives me massages and back scratches before i go to sleep

and musters up excitement about decorating for christmas and sending out christmas cards

and believes in me when i don't believe in myself

and isn't threatened by my ambition or my intelligence, but instead appreciates me for those things...and loves me even more for them

for all these things, and more,

i am incredibly thankful.

you?

happy thanksgiving!

2011-11-23T17:38:00.001-06:00

turkeys were harmed in the making of this post.

there aren't even any food photos.

(wait till tomorrow. oh. there WILL be food. and photos of it.)

this is just me.

getting ready to hit the road to Austin.

we're spending Turkey Day with my mom's family

who will allll be there.

one big (mostly) happy family.

there is talk of deep frying a turkey.

my job will be to prevent emergency room visits potentially caused by that activity.

it's only an hour-ish to Austin

but i like to be comfy when i ride.

here's an outfit inspired by Pinterest:

i'm packing in the background.

leggings:J.Crew shirt:Anthro socks:Target scarf:found in a lecture hall

boots:Frye.

(happy end-of-CCU to me)

peekaboo.

of course, now i can't find the original "Pin" that set me off

oh well.

i guess that makes ME original.

bwahahaha.

here's something else that happened today:

apparently, spending your entire life in the CCU

somehow makes you justify spending $14 on nail polish

hey, what else are disposable incomes for?

this isn't going to last forever.

eventually there will be loans to pay back

and babies to be had.

but for now,

nail polish.

who DOESN'T want their nails to look like disco balls?

i mean, come on.

happy thanksgiving!

sibbie love

2011-11-21T11:32:00.001-06:00

these crazies are coming to visit today

i cannot WAIT to see them

#familyvisitorsarethebestest

#ilovetheholidays

#dontyouloveblogpoststhatcouldvejustbeentweets

(all photos stolen from their facebook pages. that's right. my 12-year-old baby sister has a facebook page. and a cell phone. what IS this world coming to.)

wurstfest

2011-11-15T20:19:00.001-06:00

honestly, i'm miserable.

i can't remember a time when i've dreaded the coming days more.

this rotation just sucks.

i'm done with it on Thursday.

which CANNOT come soon enough.

i can't wait to get back to 8 hour shifts...and dump these 15 hour days i'm currently pulling.

it's pretty hard to feel sorry for yourself when you work at a military hospital though.

which is not to say that i'm not giving it a whole-hearted effort.

moving on.

"wurstfest" is not just another name for the rotation i'm currently on.

count the different kinds of meat...

wurstfest is a 50-year-old tradition

in new braunfels, tx.

it's very German.

there's lots of "wursts"

bratwurst. liverwurst. wurstkabob.

and of course, turkey legs.

pretttty excited about the sausage.

(that's what she said)

we brought friends.

blogosphere, meet Dave and Meghan.

dave went to med school with us.

nick lived with him before we got married.

meg is a newly gradjamacated pharmacist.

they live in our apartment complex.

and dave is in the AF with me...we work at the same hospital.

awesomeness all around.

second favorite thing about wurstfest.

cups.

with oktoberfest brews in them.

third favorite thing.

old dudes dressed like this.

(i had to take this on the sneak. sorry for the blur. he moved surprisingly fast.)

99 bottles of beer on the wall....

nick's very first funnel cake.

i know.

sacrilege.

it had apples on half.

action shot.

note the collection of pitchers...

pretty texas.

we had a delightful time.

wurstfest also included a master yodeler.

and a polka contest.

texas, you never cease to amaze me with your kitschy-ness.

p.s. countdown to the end of CCU: 47 hours, 24 minutes....

from the brink of death...and a wedding

2011-11-14T07:00:00.000-06:00

given my last post,

this title probably has you thinking all kinds of crazy things.

no, i did not drive my car off the highway ramp.

but i did fall prey to a horrible illness.

i have been an incubus of viral plague all week.

and today i'm piecing my life back together,

as it has fallen into complete disarray.

step one: blog.

duh.

first of all,

thank you for your kind thoughts and words about my friend Meghan.

she is hoping to go home tomorrow...

still in pieces...

(it'll take at least two more surgeries to put her foot back together)

but at least she'll be HOME.

keep praying though...

that her surgeon will be committed to restoring her quality of life

to something that most closely resembles what it was pre-accident

(there was talk of her never being able to wear heels again. *GASP*)

here's a glimpse of what she's dealing with:

yes. the second toe is broken.
and yes. i posted nasty doctory shit on my blog. surprised? maybe you shouldn't be...

titanium is holding her leg together

and her foot is going to need some more patchwork

so...
we're very thankful that she's safe.

last time i saw Meghan whole,

was last weekend.

tip: when bridesmaids dresses have pockets, you can sneak in an iPhone photo between pro-photog takes

the bride and the champion bridesmaid of the day...who braved food poisoning to stand by her bride

and also played photobomber (i could see this whole thing going down...which is why i was laughing hysterically.)

serious smile face.

me, Sus, Meg. bridesmatrons extraordinaires.

it was actually a freezing day for a wedding in Orlando, FL

but we braved it.

like the rockstars we are.

and Mellie gets home from her honeymoon this week

so here's some bridie pics i snapped

fakeout! not the bride...but her gawgeous sister Courtney

and if you think Court looks familiar,

maybe it's because you've seen her here or here

she's a professional bridesmaid
(j/k)

also, Sadie Tucks and I have some interesting mutual friend connections

for people who met through the blogiverse, anyway.

our little Melody

all growed up and gettin married

*le sigh*

do i have gorgeous friends or what?

glamorous schlamorous

2011-11-09T21:31:00.001-06:00

today i realized that i had been fantasizing

about driving my car off the elevated highway

on my way to work

not to commit suicide, mind you

i would have had the presence of mind to recline my driver's seat

so that when the car flipped

and the roof smashed in

i'd be laying flat

and wouldn't break my neck.

just enough of an injury to be in the hospital for a couple weeks.

to get some SLEEP for godssakes.

the life of a doctor is far from glamorous, my friends.

i am working crazy long, can't-stop-to-eat-or-pee days

and i pretty much hate my life right now.

i did get a weekend off, to go be in a wedding, and see my hubs for once

but have i had time to blog about it??

nooooo...

tragic.

via my pinterest

but then i got a call from my bestie today

and she told me she had been hit by a car

while she was waiting to cross the street

a truck ran over her leg

it's broken in 3 places

she's in surgery right now

fixing her tibia, fibula, and calcaneus

so maybe the driving off a highway-shaped-cliff isn't such a grand thing to wish for?

and if you're of the praying type,

throw one up for Meggie

and her hubby and sweet baby Annaleigh

an outfit post

2011-11-02T07:00:00.000-05:00

as much as i really do love my job,

it's not the most fashion-forward career path.

c'est la vie.

i rarely do outfit posts.

mostly because i rarely put on real clothes

(it's always scrubs, pj's, or a uniform)

if i were to wait until i got actually "dressed" to do an outfit post,

we'd all be waiting a long time.

so here's my version:

me. on the daily.

scrubs, white coat, stethoscope.

standard.

this cracks me up.

these photos were clearly taken in my bedroom.

i'm a rebel.

and a thief.

and apparently a felon, since i stole government property
(relax. i'm giving it back tomorrow.)

someone literally paged me while i was taking this picture.

i don't answer pages when i'm off-duty.

#personalrule

nametag, pen, penlight (for shining in patient's eyes are 6am. they love that.)

there's a picture of my hospital on my white coat.

in case i get lost, they will know where to return me.

the look of eager trepidation i wear on my face. everyday.

the contents of my pockets.

money.

chapstick.

patient info.

EKGs.

my stamp.

ACLS cards (even though i've got that ish memorized)

so there you have it.

what i wear.

every day.

now leave me some love.

i'm on call today.

i relish your comments blowing up my iPhone in my left white coat pocket.

(so you can picture it more clearly.)

it is finished

2011-10-28T21:10:00.000-05:00

my board exams are over.

well...for now.

until i finish residency and have to take my Emergency Medicine boards

and then my oral boards

and then recertification boards a few years after that...

really, it never ends.

i'm feeling a little ambivalent about it.

on the one hand,

i'm glad they're done.

now i can actually read for fun.

but on the other,

now i have to start working days in the CCU

which, honestly, is the worst working environment imaginable.

i'll spare you for now,

because i'm sure i'll be bitching and moaning about it all month.

so even though this song actually has nothing to do with these sentiments,

the title does.

plus it's a beautiful song

by an incredibly talented pair of brothers

and though i am about 7 years late

jumping on the bandwagon...

it fits.

miss me?

2011-10-27T13:36:00.000-05:00

me too.

yes.

i miss myself.

i haven't seen much of me lately.

here's what's been up:

last Thursday i kicked that PT test's ass

(at 6am. in 50 degree weather. i was running. fml.)

upside is, i scored high enough that i don't have to take another one for another year.

bonus.

(i highlight this point because though, yes, i am in the Air Force,

athletic achievements have never been my strong suite.

maybe you picture me as an ultra-fit ass-kicker by trade.

not so, friends.

SO not so.)

there was a hot minute last week where i thought about jumping on a plane to Baltimore

to welcome my brother home from Afghanistan

but that didn't work out.

sad day

2011-10-19T11:54:00.000-05:00

i've been listening to this song again this morning

(when i wallow...i REALLY wallow)

it's pretty perfectly describing my sentiments

i had a friendship that ended a few months ago.

there wasn't a big, thunderclap of an event that brought about its demise

it just sort of ceased to be

and it was such a close, intimate friendship

that i feel its absence every day

every.

day.

this is how breakups are.

whether we are losing lovers, or losing friends.

try as i might to get over it

our ever-increasingly connected world is making it impossible.

every time i open my computer

(okay, let's be honest. every time i open FACEBOOK. which is daily. multiple times.)

i get a reminder of how i'm not part of that person's life anymore

it hurts.

deeply.

still.

and it all just makes me wish that i wasn't such an elephant

incapable of forgetting

and moving on

shouldn't people just cease to be when we fall out of relationship with them?

wouldn't that make it so much easier to continue living?

without them there, as constant reminders of how good things used to be?

(i'm not wishing death upon anyone. just to clarify.)

to top it all off,

here's a totally unrelated image

sorry i'm such a downer today.

surely i'm not the only one that's gone through this...

thoughts?

blam.

2011-10-18T08:05:00.001-05:00

And that, my friends, is what I just did to my PT test.

eating your way through

2011-10-17T12:28:00.000-05:00

this is pretty much my life's mantra.

but it's also what i did this weekend.

friday night

(after Nick scraped me off the couch, post-mild-nervous-breakdown)

was date night

we managed to find Jamaican food in San Antonio.

(cue applause.)

i did not, however, document it on film.

we watched Friday Night Lights when we got home.

(nothing says Texas like watching FNL on a Friday night)

(except maybe watching an actual high school football game on a Friday night)

Saturday,

we went here:

and i ate this:

don't worry.

there's two more sides under the green beans and the mac and cheese

i didn't starve.

i also only drank one of those beers.

this is possibly the classiest thing about Texas:

we call it what it is:

Fresh Killed Meat

and i've officially lost all vegan followers.

it was bound to happen eventually.

these next few weeks are a bit hectic:

Physical Fitness Test tomorrow (thanks, Air Force. lookin forward to it.)

start nights in the Cardiac Care Unit on Friday

inlaws are coming to visit next Thursday

take Step 3 of my boards next Friday

so please don't be offended that instagram pics (mostly of food) are the best i can do these days.

steal my heart away

2011-10-14T16:59:00.000-05:00

maybe you've seen this.

maybe you're not as emotionally unstable as i am at the moment

(we had a trauma conference and talked about that kid that died a couple weeks ago.

i'm kind of a wreck today.

at least i *think* that's why i'm a wreck...)

but i fell apart from the cuteness.

and in case you haven't seen it, you should.

enjoy.

Scenes from the Weekend

2011-10-11T16:59:00.000-05:00

we had company this weekend.

huge trees make for excellent photo backdrops.

a better descriptor there never was.

i promise nick is not drunk. yet. just really really over taking pictures. clearly.

remember the Alamo.

just buds. hanging out.

guess which girl belongs to which guy?

the patriotism embodied in this photo is astounding.

scenes from an italian restaurant.

our lovers.

sometimes in texas, there is a longhorn on the corner.

he tried to push me in.

a heavenly mound of guacamole

no words.

alamo, you've been instagrammed.

i've been dinged for my historical inaccuracy before

the above photo is not *technically* of the Alamo

but of a mission

in the whole, Alamo-complex.

whatever.

mimosas are a fantastic way to begin a day.

like i how all the photos are totally out of order?

you might not have noticed that,

except that the mimosas came after the margaritas.

which is clearly breaking all the rules.

anyway.

friends came to visit.

and we immensely enjoyed them.

without out-of-town guests, how would one ever see the sights of one's town?

(this was our first trip to the alamo.)

susanna and kenny and mike and elisabeth...

...we miss you already

our song

2011-10-05T07:13:00.000-05:00

us, with my double chin, dancing at our wedding reception

i don't think i've written a whole lot about our wedding on this blog

this blog BEGAN as i was planning it

but i think i skimmed over the actual event

probably time to rectify that

but today is not that day

however, i will say this

we had the incredible blessing of having 3 weddings

two in italy

and one reception 6 weeks later in California

the photo above is of us dancing at the Mexican fiesta that was our stateside reception

(hey, we like Mexican food. what can i say?)

at the reception,

we played this song that had sort of become "our song"

and what happened next pretty much sealed the deal forever...

all our family and friends gathered around us making a circle and put their arms over each other's shoulders and rocked and swayed to the music, singing to us

it was incredible.

i cried the happiest tears.

especially because i got to wear my wedding dress again.

me. uber-excited to wear my dress again. let's be honest...it almost didn't fit. 6 weeks, y'all. 6 measly weeks.

anyway.

we've been having a rough week.

both of us fully embodying our specialties' personalities:

me- flexible, intense, push-it-to-the-limit, ready-for-anything Emergency Medicine

him- calculated, regimented, stick-with-a-routine, do-what's-best-for-your-body Rehab Medicine

trying to figure out how to make this marriage work

when we're both exhausted

with crazy and conflicting schedules

(ONE of us is always willing to sacrifice on sleep to get some quality time. I'm not saying who. but ONE of us...)

lying awake at night replaying the patients of the day

(did i miss an aneurysm? did that guy live? did i write for the right dose of that medication?)

these are the parts they don't tell you about on Grey's Anatomy

they totally make it look like the docs are only thinking about their patients at work

and when they go home, they only obsess about their convoluted personal lives

(unless they're sleeping with their patients. then they think about them.)

so i figured it'd do us some good to hear our song

what does it say about us that Kenny Loggins sings "our song"?

i don't know.

but before you mock me

let us recall that he is the man responsible for this gem:

dream come true

2011-10-03T09:41:00.000-05:00

i know every girl thinks her husband is the best

but mine really is.

he's a 49ers fan

and he voluntarily subjected himself to a Cowboys game.

for me.

not only that, but he got me REALLY great seats

the weekend in iPhone pics

pregame coffee

gameday eggs benedict.

i'm a sucker for some hollandaise sauce

hubby's huevos. (HA!)

but i also really love me some huevos rancheros.

so that's when i get to steal some of nick's breakfast too

best all around.

apparently all i do is eat

holy footlongness

yes. i am wearing a jersey.

dolly parton's niece was at the game

kidding.

maybe.

it COULD've been dolly parton's niece.

or maybe just someone who also goes to her hairstylist.

welcome to Texas, ya'll

and welcome to cowboys stadium

tony romo. Lions MVP.

no zoom required.

we were 9 rows from the field.

hubby loves me.

the game was a bit of a heartbreaker.

we came out strong

then fell apart and lost.

this is the life of a Cowboys fan.

it is an up-at-dawn, pride-swallowing siege that i will never fully tell you about.

in other news, i'm working evenings this week

grueling slave labor this ultrasound rotation is turning out to be.

not true.

i basically go into the emergency department and throw an ultrasound probe on people

i look at their hearts, gallbladders, kidneys, livers, aortas

and sometime uteruses with babies in them

i shoot for about 20 scans a day

(sometimes i do like, 5 scans on a person at a time. i'm a multitasker)

then i go home.

easy peasy.

so i get my mornings to blog and drink coffee on my balcony

this morning, it's actually CHILLY.

like, i might need to go put on some socks.

today

2011-09-28T18:36:00.000-05:00

so this weekend i painted my living room.

and hung curtains.

i've been brewing the idea for months.

and finally had the time off to make it a reality.

the before picture. technically a "during" pic. but oh well.

better late than never?

i missed the "before" pic by about 27 minutes.

(that's how long it took me to move furniture and lay down drop cloth. duh.)

and here's the after

our new and improved living room

[the curtains are West Elm

and the paint is "Seal" from Martha Stewart Living]

i, for one, love it.

it's the coziest.

perfect space to come home to after days like this

...

so this is the part where you begin to regret following a doctor's blog

...

a baby died today.

at my hospital.

it was on the news.

and it was actually horrific.

i was one of the doctors taking care of the old man.

which was difficult.

i'd like to say that i kept it together and did my job in a professional way.

but i was pretty torn up about it.

even cried all the way home.

and that's all i have to say about it right now.

being a doctor is cool when you can do something to make a patient's outcome better

it absolutely sucks when you can't.

so how was your day?

saturday morning

2011-09-24T08:51:00.000-05:00

it's saturday

8:45am

and i've been up for almost 3 hours

thanks, night shift, for effing with my circadian rhythm.

despite this little logistical snag, i'm having a lovely morning

coffee

pumpkin bread (with chocolate chips! thanks mom!)

iTunes

and taking my monthly residency quiz

i have big plans for this day

lots of crafty projects in the works

if we're lucky, i'll like them enough to share pics with you

and this week has been pretty great

mostly because Nick and I got to spend the ENTIRE day together Wednesday

brunch

Friday Night Lights

pool time

gym time

a couple's massage

(his idea. he's phenomenal)

it was like a vacation in our own town

so that's all i've got for ya.

that,

and this:

my occupational theme song

happy Saturday!

insanely gorgeous

2011-09-22T09:31:00.000-05:00

{all images courtesy of Emily Blake Photography}

how insane are these??!

this is my college roommate and bestie Rachel

and her hubby-to-be Jon

i get the honor of standing beside her while they promise each other forever

these are a few of their engagement photos

and i am still drooling

...

totally unrelated

2011-09-20T10:46:00.000-05:00

-i think music is the most inspiring thing in all the world. a good song can totally salvage a bad day.

(note: music totally pilfered from kelly ann)

-i'm a coffee person. i think tea is a complete waste of time.
-i do all my best thinking while perusing the internet.
-working on a military post makes me somehow feel closer to my brother in afghanistan. even more so than actually being in the air force with him.

-today the commanding general of my hospital called me out for trying to put in a femoral central line without wearing full personal protective equipment on a patient who was literally dying in front of me. i was all, do you want me to let her die while i put on my gown, mask, eye protection, and sterile gloves? her blood pressure is 70/40. please. (i was wearing gloves. just not sterile ones.)
-living in texas makes me feel a little like fall is passing me by.

-i am now 3 for 4 on intubations. note to self: when you tell your assistant-person to straighten out the ET-tube, and they bend it further, find a new assistant person.
-beer and pumpkin bread makes a totally acceptable breakfast.
-my twitter was hacked. it was sort of my fault. further proof that doctors are human and sometimes stupid.
-i'm re-watching old Grey's Anatomy seasons on netflix and feel that somehow i totally missed season 4. have no idea how that happened.
-pinterest sometimes serves to make me jealous of people i don't even know.
-i had a drunk patient tell me to be careful checking the pulse on his foot, because he thought i was cute and "you never know what might happen". since when are feet erogenous zones?
-i don't have to work tonight. and even thought i'm tuckered out, i don't wanna go to bed. #tooexcitedtosleep
-at work, i am somehow unable to be anything other than completely myself. in all my sarcasm, inappropriateness, passion, and compassion. and somehow, it works. peoplelikeme. (i think)

-get to hang out with the hubby tomorrow. we're both off work. *smiles*

[all images via]

that's all.

aftermath

2011-09-19T09:50:00.001-05:00

Hawaii

i'm sensing a theme with my Sunday night shifts

last week, i tubed 2 people

tonight, it was only one

but it was the mother of all intubations:

bloody and traumatic with c-spine precautions

the holy grail. mother load.

so now i'm 3 for 3

still.

that was the highlight.

the rest of the night was filled with crazy people and annoying surgeons.

now i wish i was back in that hammock.

how was your day?

p.s. still haven't seen hubs for more than an hour a day

p.p.s. my Fantasy team is kicking ass right now.

that's all.

gradjamacation

2011-09-14T10:36:00.000-05:00

we graduated.

months ago.

but it was still pretty sweet.

and we wouldn't be where we are today without that mah-jor event

(as Rachel Zoe would say)

thanks for the parking garage photo, mom.

warning:

when you give your mother your camera

(which, incidentally, she has no idea how to use)

she will take approximately one million photos

(and you will be able to use 0.01% of them)

love you, mom.

quickie iPhone pic while waiting to line up. The Doctors Fleming, everyone.

nick wasn't ready.

he's all smirky and "i'm a doctor, check me out"

YES. there were bagpipes.

it's offish. and yes, my first name is mary.

me and Murray, my papa-in-law.

father and son.

Nick totally looks like a more Italian version of his dad.

makes sense.

since his mom is Italian, and threw that extra dash of italiano in there

after the deed was done.

nick didn't get the "look this way" memo.

we had both of our families represented

nick's dad

my mom

it was just the right amount.

i can't even imagine how psychotic the day would've been

if my entire gaggle of bros and sis's had showed

(p.s. my mom, looking fab in her mustard sweater. who picked that one out, mom? (; )

15 takes. this is the only one where we're all looking the same direction.

my med school support group

(above pic)

Jen and Julie got me through 4th year

Jen's in my class

and is now a Family Medicine resident in Chicago

Julie is a (lucky) PA and graduated last year

now she's making the big bucks in Gyn-Onc

(below pic)

Jen, again

(you've seen her before..and Julie, and Quick)

and Quick (that's her last name. and what we call her. real name is Melissa.)

Quick was gone almost all year

doing away rotations in DC and NYC

and now she's a Family Medicine resident in NYC

(who was on call the night that NYU shut down their biggest hospital in fear of Hurricane Irene so she got all their patients. come on, Irene.)

couldn't all look at the camera. too tough for us doctors.

me and Foster. sweetie that he is.

Foster and the Flemings

Foster is Nick's med school bestie

and possibly one of the smartest peeps i know

he's an ENT surgery resident in Detroit

we're buying him a gun for Christmas

Melody came!

remember Melody?

she just got engaged.

but she wasn't in this pic.

she was in town for a wedding and got to come watch me walk

pretttty awesome.

p.s. how HUGE is my gown?

ridin sidesaddle

four years of med school.

walking by that damn pony every day

always wanted to hop on and ride it

but was too chicken.

decided graduation day was my day.

they can't squeeze any more tuition or fees outta me.

nick and my pretty mama

and they lived happily ever after...

so there ya have it.

pictorial proof.

we're legit.

too legit to quit.

day in the life of me

2011-09-12T11:56:00.000-05:00

via

you sure, Aibileen?

because i fo sho didn't feel smart last night

remember when i tweeted about watching Grey's Anatomy and calling it studying?

well, my friends, it most-assuredly is NOT.

as evidenced by my idiotic performance on night shift.

i had had the best sleep of my night shift life-span yet, too.

i was energized.

allegedly prepared.

false.

during teaching rounds, i got stupidly easy questions wrong

multiple times

then in answer to a question about a toxidrome that causes loss of control of the ocular muscles,

i--remarkably--answered correctly, and blurted out "strychnine!"

and was so surprised when i was actually right that i told a retired Colonel: "shut your mouth!"

wish i were joking, ya'll.

that's a big military no-no.

it's also a big medicine no-no.

interns don't tell attendings to shut their mouths.

it was just a rough night.

feeling like an idiot. for the vast majority of it.

and it's been a rough few days.

we're not cooking so there's no good food.

i barely ever see Nick.

somehow, even though i'm barely eating and running around all shift, i'm getting fatter?

miiiight be the beers required to tranquilize me in the morning so i can get some shut-eye

i'm super dehydrated.

i have no time to drink water, and even less time to pee at work.

also, do you know what i look like when i'm at work?

neither do i. since not-peeing=not-seeing-yourself-in-a-mirror-ever

but i guarantee you it is nothing as good as this:

it's normal. i think.

but then, lo and behold, a patient needed to be intubated tonight

and, to put it bluntly, i rocked that shit.

it was my very first one.

ever.

in my medical career.

(most med students have at LEAST intubated somebody in an operating room on an anesthesia rotation or something.)

i was pretty shocked that i nailed it.

(so was everyone else, i'm pretty sure.)

then

30 minutes later

somebody ELSE needed intubating

and i rocked that shit too.

do i still feel dumb?

yes.

do i feel like a dumb rockstar?

maybe.

am i drinking something alcoholic to try to take the edge off this adrenaline rush so i can sleep?

abso-f-ing-lutely

(i'll curse on this blog. but f-bombs? little harsh.)

Athens

2011-09-08T09:14:00.000-05:00

i haven't seen my husband's face since Monday

i've talked to him, in the dark, as i'm going to bed and he's getting up to go to work

but i haven't seen his face.

and that sucks.

know what else sucks?

we just found out that, due to recent schedule changes,

we don't get any time off together during the holidays

the holidays were our ONE TIME during this entire year to have time off together

and now we don't get that either.

one. entire. year.

without vacay.

good thing we took that major trip to Turkey and Greece, eh?

i'm not feeling so guilty about it now.

Athens: old vs. new

heaven in a fruit stand

so. old.

me.

him.

part of the Acropolis.

i know it makes me a horrible history buff that i don't remember exactly what that structure is called

but i've warned you before

his expression: "i'm in tourist hell right now"

just me, some centuries-old columns, and the scaffolding keeping them from falling on me

ask jenna lyons: windblown hair is in.

he's so cute (:

just unbelievable

so freaking old

sorry for my "Conquerer" pose here. this was the only one in focus. (i need to hire a new photographer. ahem. nick.)

just in case you were wondering,

skirt: Zara (purchased that morning), tank: Hanes wifebeater (i know it's not PC to call them that, but oh well), sunnies: Banana Republic, earrings: Turkish turquoise, purchased in Kalkan, Turkey

it just blows my mind that all this stuff- buildings, inscriptions, carvings-

is still here

centuries after they were made and first used

and that we can see the footprints of people that went long before us

view from our restaurant. last night of vacay.

Nick hated me a little for making him do this.

it looks alright at night

guest post: Elizabeth from E Tells Tales

2011-09-07T07:00:00.001-05:00

Hi everyone! I'm Elizabeth from E Tells Tales. First, I just want to thank Emily for letting me

appear in her space. She is cool, which means her space is cool, and now I feel cool too.

Now I've got a little travel post whipped up for you guys.

Tell me if you've ever had the same experience.

Ernest Hemingway once said "Never go on trips with anyone you do not love."

He also said that travel broadens your ass. I wish guys like Ernest were still around, don't you?

My senior year of college I went to Europe with a kook. She was my roommate, and I'll admit, I knew

she was a little cray-cray before I agreed to go on the trip with her, but I was a little crazy too (who

isn't their senior year of college?) and sometimes a free trip to Europe

is just too good a deal, you know?

First stop, London. Where I was dealing with severe jet lag and an entire bottle of exploded bumble

and bumble shampoo in my suitcase. She still felt the need to say, "I told you to put it in a ziplock bag

before we left." Doesn't everyone love a good I told you so moment?

No?

Next was Paris, where she made a competition of running up the Eiffel Tower to see if we could

beat our tour mates...even though I had just gotten over Mono(nucleosis) the week before our trip.

"See you at the top!" she yelled back at me.

Wha?

In Switzerland, a handsome tour mate was getting a crush on me,

so my roommate figured out how to third-wheel all of our moments.

In Venice, she fried my hair straightener in a foreign socket.

Ladies, I could stop this blog post here, amiright?

In Rome, that guy took me out on a date and she was mad she had to stay behind.

"But can't we work it out so I can come too?"

I got food poisoning in Pompeii...and my period! She told me I was being

a spoil sport for not walking around the ruins AGAIN with her.

By the time our last stop rolled around in Athens, we were both so over it,

we went out in separate groups every night.

I know what you're thinking--

Why did you go on a trip with someone you hated??? Or, gee this girl is so ungrateful!

But here's the moral: Ernest was kinda wrong. He should have said, never go on a trip with ANYONE

for longer than 14 days. We got home, took American showers, downloaded all our pictures and started

teasing each other immediately about what a couple of real hags we were.

"You wanted to go on my date with me!"

"You made friends with the mean girls and left me behind in the bathroom!"

We still laugh about it to this day. Travel is illuminating, that is for sure.

And that is why I only go on 4-day vacations with my husband.

treading water

2011-09-06T20:30:00.000-05:00

just look at me and my innocent, first-year-med-student self.

so full of promise

so excited about the future.

i'm going to spare you a photo of what i look like today

let's just say less full of promise

less excited about the future

more like holy-shit-i-hope-i-didnt-kill-anyone-today

being a doctor is hella scary sometimes

and always exhausting

i'm only working 8 hour shifts in the ER right now

8 hours.

cake, right?

but i got home last night at 12:30 after my shift "ended" at 11:00. then woke up with a sore throat and runny nose at 7:30am [awesome] then had a meeting at 9:00. worked from 10-7. and now i'm just finishing dinner and trying to study for at least a FEW minutes before i collapse into bed and get up at 5:00 to do it all over again tomorrow (i work 7a-3p. so maybe i'll be home by 6.)

as a med student, i was all gung-ho about doing procedures. it kicked ass to put in a chest tube, un-dislocate a shoulder, intubate somebody, put in a central line.

but now i'm just like, please-be-stable-and-dont-require-me-to-save-your-life

anyways.

that's me.

so i'm floundering a bit.

please enjoy a fantabulous guest post tomorrow

from one of my very favorite bloggers.

but i'm not telling you who.

you'll just have to come back and find out.

(;

pain relief

2011-09-05T07:00:00.022-05:00

these images (from my Pinterest) have nothing to do with this post

but since everyone everywhere else

seems to be getting ready for fall

while we here in Texas are most definitely NOT

i figured i'd just embrace the endless summer of it all.

now.

here's a friendly little PSA from this doctor to you

i've gotten a lot of questions about pain relievers

(in life in general. not necessarily from blog readers.)

so this is to set the record straight.

advil=motrin=ibuprofen (same drug, different names)

-good for general pain relief

-especially good for menstrual cramps: ibuprofen inhibits the release of prostaglandin, which in addition to being part of the "pain pathway" in the body, also causes menstrual cramps. inhibiting its release is a very good thing.

-can't take it in pregnancy because it causes premature closure of the ductus arteriosus in your babe (this is a bad thing...fetal circulation requires a patent ductus arteriosus.). you probably already knew you couldn't take it. now you know why.

tylenol=acetominophen

-works a little differently than ibuprofen

-still good for general pain relief

-slightly better for headaches (it's the main pain-relieving ingredient in Excedrin)

-slightly less effective than ibuprofen for menstrual cramps (since it doesn't have that beautiful mechanism of action in inhibiting prostaglandin release)

-pretty much the only thing you can take in pregnancy for non-narcotic pain relief, but that's okay because it works pretty well

-great for fever inhibition. it'll make you feel better, even if the disease process causing your fever is still kicking.

naproxen sodium=aleve

-works pretty much the same way as ibuprofen

-dosed differently: can only take it every 12hrs. this can be a good thing if it actually licks your pain. but if you're not pain-free 8hrs later, you have to suck it up for 4 more hours before you can take another dose.

notes:

-for infant/pediatric fever, alternate motrin and tylenol. tylenol and motrin work differently (as explained above), so you can alternate them for ultimate fever/pain relief. talk to your pediatrician about it. it's legit. if your babe is under 12mos, you'll have to get the right dosing from your pediatrician because it isn't on the box.

-for menstrual cramps: read the box on Midol, Pamprin, etc. Midol uses a different pain reliever depending on the formulation. the Liquid Gels are ibuprofen, but PM is acetominophen. make sure you're using ibuprofen or naproxen sodium.

-beware of PM formulations. they all have diphenhydramine in them, which is basically Benadryl. they'll make you sleepy. this is good if you're actually taking them in the PM, but can really put a damper on your productivity if you forget and pop one on your way to work.

-also beware of "D" formulations. they usually have pseudoephedrine in them, which will keep you awake. (Nick learned this the hard way. he took Aleve-D right before bed after he broke his hand. it was the night before a big test. he was up. all. night.) again, this is good if you're draggin during the day. but don't take them right before bed or else you won't sleep. (additional side note: pseudoephedrine can also be used to make meth, as many a Montana high school dropout has discovered. so you'll probably have to get the D formulations from the pharmacist. most drug stores pulled them off the shelves.)

disclaimer: yes i am a doctor. no i am not YOUR doctor. make sure you double check all this with your doc if you still have questions (which you should, because i left dosages out of this post. i did it on purpose. so you HAVE to ask a doc or read the label. sneaky sneaky.) just because these aren't narcotics doesn't mean they can't be dangerous. (especially tylenol) and you should read the labels carefully no matter what. most of this stuff is widely available on the internet anyway, so it's no big "medical mystery" how this stuff works. but sometimes it helps to see it all laid out. so there ya go.

Sundays

2011-09-04T09:13:00.000-05:00

...are usually pretty quiet on the blog front

so here's something that will most definitely make you smile.

have you seen this?

also, here's some randoms:

-it seems fall will never come to Texas, but i'm excited that the low tonight will be in the 60s. progress?

-when i came home from being away for the month of March, Nick said "there are some things i've implemented in this house since you've been gone, and i'd like to keep them". one of these things was leaving the butter dish out so the butter is always soft. best.idea.ever.

-"Folding Chair" by Regina Spektor is possibly the happiest song in the world. props to her for singing dolphin noises.

-last week at work i let it slide that Salt & Vinegar Pringles are one of my favorite things in all the world.

the next day, one of the clerks brought me a can. making friends at work? priceless.

-yesterday i embodied Monica Gellar and cleaned/cooked like a banshee on my day off. further proof that adulthood needs work. or that i do.

-Nick is working 12am-1pm these days in the ICU. whoever was smoking crack when they thought that schedule was a good idea needs to quit.

-i painted my nails with "Big Hair, Big Nails" yesterday. i can't wear bright nail polish at work (thanks USAF), so i have to wait till i have strings of days off to bust it out. #littlejoys

-today i'm going to Cowboys MusicFest II (how Texas is that?!) to hear these guys sing this song:

and i'm pretty excited about it

feast your eyes

2011-08-31T07:30:00.000-05:00

i know.

fake out.

yesterday i was all, i'm not gonna be blogging much

and here i am.

two days in a row.

well, hubs was on call last night

which left me with nothing to do but prep this post for you

get ready to meet the next best thing to hit the internet since Pinterest

foodgawker

it basically IS Pinterest

but just food

page after page

of the prettiest food your eyes have ever seen

clicking on the picture of the food

takes you to the blog/website/wherever the recipe is from

and there's an iPhone app too

typically i'm like, quick! what to make for dinner?

then i go to my trusty iPhone app and figure something out.

i promise i'm not getting paid for this ultra-cheesy promo

i just wanted to share awesomeness with you.

this is why i'm in medicine. not sales.

with medicine, you just walk into a patient's room and be like,

dude. you have to have this blood transfusion. or you will die.

no selling involved.

one more.

summer trip continued: Milos

2011-08-30T18:02:00.000-05:00

i should've been stoked about today being my day off

and i was.

until i was 3 hours in, waiting for the service on my car to be finished

the Honda service center waiting room was hardly where i wanted to be today.

oh, the joys of only knowing doctors in your town

everyone i knew was working.

no one to rescue me.

i tweeted it earlier and i'll say it again:

adulthood blows.

at least the annoying rattle in my car has ceased

doctoring has kept me pretty busy lately.

and made me pretty smelly.

lessons learned:

wear non-porous shoes.

ya know, just in case you put a chest tube into a dude and hundreds of ml's

of the nastiest fluid your nostrils have ever had the pleasure of coming into contact with

decides to pour out of the dude's chest and onto you favorite running shoes.

i'm not saying that happened.

but i'm not gonna say it didn't.

the shoes have been bleached

and salvaged

and a new pair of more appropriate work footwear has been purchased.

moving on.

serenity now

backpacks and stairs are a #winning combination

my obsession with painted doors has not waned.

i'd live here.

so these pictures are from Milos

the very last Greek island we visited.

we were 2 days from going home

and decided to go all out.

so we (along with 8 other random people) chartered a catamaran

and sailed around the island.

go big or go home?

caves.

we were going home

so we went big

fishing villages. only accessible by boat.

a rock that looks like a bear. with a seagull sitting on its head.

my man is so strong.

our trusty vessel.

sails make me happy

so do these hammock-thingys that catamarans have

hubs was checking me out. i was checking the water out.

in the middle of the aegean and he's playing Angry Birds.

he's cute though. all is forgiven.

from inside a cove

his seat looked good. so i stole it.

most beautiful. water. ever.

contemplating how cray-cray my hair looks.

BOOM. zoomed.

could've stayed here for days

me, zoomed, too.

"remember. you're married."

it. was. frEEzing.

boat fixin's

and at the end of the day, this.

so there was Milos.

not bad, eh?

don't get too used to this whole me-blogging thing.

i've got another crazy few days coming up.

ps. i know i'm a horrible commenter

(as in, i rarely do it)

but know that i read and heart your blogs.

just a psa to remind you all of that.

xoxo

untitled

2011-08-25T20:12:00.000-05:00

that title may be misleading you to think that the contents of this post

are much more mysterious than they actually are.

in truth,

i just didn't know what to title it.

today is my last day of vacation until december

i've been walking around like i'm walking the plank or something

i'm actually stoked to be going back to work in the ER tomorrow

but i'm definitely dreading the 4 solid months of work

or work in general, for that matter

staying home and decorating

and blogging

and baking

and laying poolside

reading for fun

suits me quite fine thankyouverymuch

but alas, medicine is my calling

so back to work i go.

last weekend i went to Atlanta again

(it's really my second home)

and celebrated the engagements of two of my besties

(not to each other)

classiest damn margarita fixin's mine eyes have evah seen

favors. such classy wedding colors. well done, mellie

extra dose of classy with a penis cake. it was red velvet. go ahead. picture it.

the spread. i discovered some girls don't eat at parties. i am NOT one of those girls.

the beautiful bride! practicing with a baby. and a giant penis cup.

Melody (i call her mellie and she's okay with that) will be happily wed

on november 5th

she is my longest-running friendship

which speaks poorly for me since we met freshman year of college

(i wasn't very popular prior to age 18)

it's just obscene.

me and that baby's momma. totally looks like she just had a kid, right?

we strung up all the goodies Mellie got. made a delightful piece of artwork.

blurry bffs.

they're so lucky to have each other in atlanta

i'm insanely jealous.

3-of-4 sisters. aren't they just ridiculous?

shoulda sucked in a bit more.

i know you've seen Susanna on this blog before

and here she is again

get used to it

i like her, okay?

sweet bebe annaleigh

me and Rachie! the other blushing bride of the weekend.

just brunching.

on a monday.

totally normal activity for young professionals to undergo

that's Rachel up there

she's getting married in Cali on march 31st

i'm a bridesmaid

and she's hired my wedding photog

excited doesn't begin to cover it.

me and susanna. moments after i devoured the largest breakfast known to man.

my graduation present to myself makes its blog debut (:

remember when i said i wanted this ring?

well.

i bought it.

for myself.

i always told myself i would treat myself to a right-hand ring

when i "arrived" as a successful career woman

in my book, graduating from medical school

qualifies me as having "arrived"

so i did it.

and i'm not sorry. it's beautiful.

just two of my very favorite blondes

they may or may not be coffee addicts.

i'm a freaking doctor and i got the jitters

couldn't handle the to-go cup.

clearly i'm an amateur.

trying out vintage doo-rags

me. ombre'd.

so then i got back from atlanta

and decided to ombre my hair

the effect was slightly more subtle than i was going for

but apparently when you dye your hair dark for years

that makes it slightly difficult to dye it blonde later on

i'll work on a more stunning effect for you next time

i was like, thrilled to be taking self-portraits. of myself. clearly.

now i'm watching Grey's Anatomy

psyching myself up for tomorrow

(since clearly watching GA is more effective than actually reading a textbook)

(how do you think i got through medical school?)

i'm also baking a cake

and drinking wine

and blogging

i'm a doomed woman

gotta live it up while i can

lost in my mind

2011-08-24T08:31:00.000-05:00

i've been a busy bee.

visiting my besties in Hot-lanta

throwing bridal showers

holding babies

shopping

cocktailing

Pinning

and now i'm off to get my hair ombre'd

pulling the trigger

once and for all

but i can't seem to play any band but this one on my iPod

"momma once told me you're already home when you feel love"

story of my life, THOTH

story of my wandering, nomadic life.

more to come.

for now, enjoy this melodic delight