Guest Blogger: Jess from Jessica Lorren Photography

posted on: Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Okay friends, try not to hate my life.
I feel guilty even asking that of you,
Because I'd have a hard time not hating me...
But I'm in Hawaii.

Never fear!
I have another fantastic guest blogger for you.

Jess is not only my wedding photographer
(and, if you must know, we also attended the same college)
She is one of my dearest friends.
Much of the lay-public only gets to experience her great wit in snippets of blurbs that she writes about her clients as she's blogging their wedding photos
But YOU get to get a glimpse of it here.

Without further ado, Jess.

I tried really hard to think of something not wedding photography related to grace Em's blog with.
But as a friend of mine often says, no dice.

Figuring I should stick to what I know best, I've decided I'm going to give you girls the low down on the down low:
How to kiss on camera.

I spend every Saturday with couples in love.
Not too shabby right?

And we all know couples in love like to lock lips.
But sadly, most couples aren't aware of what it takes to make the act of kissing look good. You may think you do but most of you kiss like horse fish.
That doesn't mean you lack passion, just form.
I am here to help.

So here we go kids, in a detailed step-by-step how-to:

Step 1: Make sure your bodies are facing each other.
Step 2: Make sure both of your beau's hands are on you. Pick a spot, any spot. Same goes for you.
Step 3: Close your eyes and bring your faces close together as if you were about to kiss, your heads should be slightly tilted.
Step 4: Are your eyes closed? They better be. Ok. Part your lips just barely. I'm talking just enough to breath in and out.
Step 5: Do not pucker. Just don't.
Step 6: Don't even think about curling your lips or bearing your teeth. (This is not a joke)
Step 7: Consciously review the list above and if all systems are go, then just hold it and count to at least five Mississippi. Ten is ideal but five should do it.
Step 8: Go for it. But for love of all that's holy, avoid items 5&6 as well as on-camera tongue.
Extra Credit: Kick up your heel, arch your back, pull him close and place your hand on his neck, cheek, booty. Whatev.
And whatever you do, try this at home...

I really wanted to do an instructional video or step-by-step photo tutorial but I ran out of time to shoot a demo.

So you will just have to settle with some illustrations from a couple seasoned pros.

Steps 1-3 Exhibit A:

Steps 4-7 Exhibit B:

Step 8 Exhibit C:

i did not go to france

posted on: Monday, May 30, 2011

...but that doesn't mean i can't post this tune
aptly named French Navy
(is it aptly named? i have no idea. but that's what it's named.)

have you heard of Camera Obscura?
i first caught wind of them via my music club
pretty sure they're Scottish, if memory serves
and their crooning melodies transport me back to a Mad Men-esque era
with big, swingy skirts, beehive hairdo's and cocktail hours

and do share any new bands/music you love with me...
just because we aren't snail mail pen pals doesn't mean we can't start our own music club. (:

it's finally here!

posted on: Friday, May 27, 2011

after 11am today, i will be a doctor.
you know.
no big deal.

and ya'll....lemme just tell ya
the universe has been paying me back the past few days for having such an awesome vacation
and it almost ruined graduation for me.

my luggage was lost when i arrived in Chicago wednesday night.
well...not technically "lost"
they knew exactly where it was.
they took it off the plane in Istanbul
(along with 49 other bags)
so they could put more fuel in the plane
since it would have to be flying farther to detour around all the volcanic ash
damn natural distasters.
ruining my day once again.

no worries, they told me in broken English with a thick Turkish accent
(do you have ANY idea how difficult it is to understand English with a Turkish accent?)
"your bag will arrive tomorrow"

well cut to yesterday (which, incidentally, was tomorrow)
i'm driving to the airport to pick up my mom who was flying in for the big day
so i decided to give Turkish Airlines a call
ya know, just to see if there was any progress
in short, no.
the opposite of progress.
they told me my baggage had "not been found"

*panic attack*

so i decided to call my mom
to see if she could just shoot on over to the international terminal at O'Hare
and shake some things up over at the Turkish Airlines baggage desk
i knew she had already landed
she had just called me 15 minutes before to tell me so
(and i told her i was stuck in traffic and would be late)
yet, for some reason she didn't answer her phone

and she still didn't answer it the next 20 times i called for the next 45 minutes

*panic attack #2*

in my mind,
my mom was lying in a bathroom stall at O'Hare
stroked out from the aneurysm that i had somehow failed to diagnose
and my baggage was left in some dumpster in Istanbul
and my life as i knew it was over.


cut to the end of the story:
my mom's phone had died.
like, not battery-dead.
and she couldn't remember my phone number.
(it took her calling a few people repeatedly to get my number)

and my baggage was delivered at 1:30am today.
i am now less one bottle of wine
(which broke. awesome. best argument ever for only buying white wine as a souvenir.)
(which i did. the wine was white. thank. god.)
and less one dress
(which mysteriously ripped in this entire debacle. ?)
but i have regained my belongings and the majority of my sanity back.

did i over-react?
but you know what?
i'm a doctor.
it's my job to think of the worst thing that could possibly happen...
and prevent it.

so thank god for found luggage!
and graduation days.
here's hoping mine is fantastic.
(could you do something about the weather, Chicago? 44 degrees in May? really?)

and if you find yourself singing this at any point after today,
you know who to call...

A lil vid

posted on: Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Hello lovers!

I am almost back! I'm currently in Athens, cramming as much history and gyros as possible into our last day in Greece. We leave supah early in the am tomorrow to head back home!

It's been an amazing trip, but I'm excited to get home. Can't wait to tell/show you alllll about it.

(bt-dub, haven't my guest bloggers been phenomenal? Let's give them a hand, shall we?)

Until then, here's a happy little clip to remind you what I look like. And to show you what I sound like. Since there's been precious little of my voice on this bloggie. A little background...last summer in Italy, we made a series of videos called "Whatever You Do". I can't find the link to it to share it with you at the moment, but when I DO, this little clip will make a ton more sense. Maybe.

Enjoy! Miss you! See you on the other side of the ol' Atlantic!

guest post: how to serve revenge

posted on: Thursday, May 19, 2011

hey guys. here.

also known as the unmarried, unpregnant, less traveled version of the guest bloggers you've seen here.

if that made you a little bit less than excited to read my post, i understand.

but if you're still here, i would like to tell you a story.

i grew up the only girl in a family with three older brothers.

if you have older brothers, you're probably nodding your head and already know what that means.

i was tortured growing up.

it started light, some simple teasing, my brother tripping me while chasing me, thus causing me to fly into the door and split my head open. it got heavier, with me being excluded from the invite to play super mario world for hours on end and my barbies being hidden in the filters of our swimming pool.

but events that transpired when i was in second grade made me put my foot down once and for all.

my brothers had finally included me in an epic game of cops 'n robbers. granted, they were all the robbers and i was the only cop. but i was happy just to be involved.

i was chasing my brother joe (as seen in the above picture- doesn't he look guilty?) through the downstairs parlor when he ran upstairs and disappeared from view. not willing to let him escape, and wanting to establish myself as a ruthless cop to be reckoned with, i chased him up and rounded the corner into my parents' room.

that's when it happened.

my brother karate-kicked me in the face. on purpose.

as i screamed and bled all over my parents room, my brother got away with it.

for a week i bitterly stewed it over, hatching the perfect plan for revenge in my mind, until saturday night it was ready to put into play. late that night,after my brothers were sleeping, i crept into my father's office and sat down at the desk. with a handy screwdriver, i carved the name "sean" into the desk, utilizing my excellent penmanship to imitate his exact handwriting. then i waited.

the next morning, the volcano known as Parent Fury erupted. sean denied he had ruined my father's desk, thus forcing my parents to assume it was one of my other brothers trying to get him into trouble. they were all sentenced to hard time- the entire sunday after church spent in their rooms with no breakfast, until the perp came forward and admitted what he had done. my brothers were pitted against each other, fighting in their room all day, sure that one of them had been evil enough to do this.

and where was i, you ask? sitting at a quiet, delightful sunday brunch with my parents, eating all of the homemade egg muffin sandwiches and bacon my body could handle and enjoying their undivided attention. savory, savory victory.

and that, friends, is the story of how i learned at an early age that revenge is best served as a hot egg mcmuffin.

guest post: Sarah from fairy tales are true

posted on: Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Hi Airforce/Doctor Barbies readers!
Sarah here, from fairy tales are true.
I'm an ex-pat living in Switzerland, and currently on holiday in Scotland.
I've actually been on a real live blate with our doctor.
here and here.

and to answer your burning questions:
she is just as smart and hot in person.
we all have reason to be jealous.
it is true.
don't hate her cuzzzz you aint her.


someone recently asked me on my formspring ...
"how did you know JB was THE one?"

I responded in a hurry.
but I'd like to give a more in depth response.

I knew my husband when we were kids.
this is what husband looked like.  i want to have ten two that look just like that.  

but it wasn't until high school he really noticed me.
and then it took college and courage
(him at wake forest and myself at flagler: i.e.: lotsa miles apart)
 until we struck up a friendship.
or a flirtationship. let's call it what it really was.
mostly, we talked on the phone.

i was a serial dater.
really didn't take boys seriously.
or their feelings.
that wasn't very nice.

but i always cared about JB's feelings.
i cared about him so much.
:that should have given it all away that he was the one... but i'm slow to catch on:

we finally went on some friendly dates.
that ended with some hot hand holding.
he took it slow (just how i like need things) ... clue number two.

but then he went away for spring training in arizona.
and instead of our relationship actually moving forward ... it stalled.
i'm easily frustrated.
patient, that's him. not me.

then a memorable phone call happened.
he got straight to the point.
he really reallllly liked me.
ahhhh sweet confirmation.

A few days later...
he called me a day before I finished my first year teaching,
said "you're going to atlantic city ... here's your ticket ... you leave tomorrow"
(he was there for baseball)
romance.  i needed it.  another clue ...
the early days.
 and yes this picture really happened.  

from then on, there was so much romance.
genuine sincere romance.
lots and lots of plane tickets too.
i was woozey in the head.
love drunk.
totally smitten.
honestly, i had never been happier.

and then ...
something terrible happened.
i got sick.
as in, loose your vision.
open heart surgery.
IV antibiotics for 3 months straight.
thoracotomy sick.
i'd puke on the floor beside him,
 just from standing.
that's how i greeted him most of the time.

but here's how i really knew.
the romance didn't stop.
he never stopped  wooing me.
when i was 90 pounds soaking wet.
losing hair at 24.
with a PIC line ... which meant i couldn't shower.

i'd get in my bathing suit.
sit in a chair because I couldn't stand.
he'd wash what was left of my matted hair.
blow dry my hair.
make me feel a bit better about my situation.

he'd buy me flowers, presents, cards ... sleep in a hospital chair next to my bed.
soooo... then i really knew. he was the one.

but for the stories sake, and to finish it.
i got better.
thank The Lord.
i went to graduate school.
worked in cardiac rehab.
(God has a plan after all)
got engaged!
{courtesy of jessica lorren}

and now we travel the world together.
so you see, fairy tales are true.
even if i was a skeptic a few years ago ... I believe now.


Thanks Emmie for having me here!!

if only...

posted on: Monday, May 16, 2011 were more like Grey's Anatomy
not because i wish all scrubs were "fitted" the way theirs are
(note: i too, take offense to salmon colored scrubs)
or because i wish it were kosher to have sex with randoms in the on-call room
(kosher or not, it happens. trust me. ew.)
or because i wish it were actually possible for people to wake up from a coma and extubate themselves and then be conscious and talking and fine 3 seconds later
(that pretty much just. doesn't. happen.)

but because i just wish that, in real life, you could handle all squabbles with your lover in monologue form. 

this was yet another post brought to you in advance.
i have NO idea where i might be right now
with any luck, i'll be finding an internet cafe and checking in periodically
but i was prepared. 
just in case i couldn't.


a few jokes for ya, lads.

posted on: Wednesday, May 11, 2011

megan was right.  it is cozy up in hurrrr.  

so, hi.  i'm bridget from tales of me and the husband.  

this is me.  looking like a fool.  taken, oh, a second ago.
and for those of you who've seen my photobooth nastiness before, you might wonder, 
"where pray tell, did all their books in the shelf go?"  
answer: we're moving things around in this joint and they're in the other room at the moment.

so.  i've got some jokes for ya.
all rated pg.  how could i guest post for someone else
and share raunchiness on her blog?
that'd be wrong (but is sooo tempting).

anyway... my jokes.
funnier when told in person, yes, 
but since i haven't had the pleasure of meeting all of you, 
this blog post will have to suffice.

joke 1:
how many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
it's a really obscure number, you've probably never heard of it.

(that one is my faaave.  so true!)

joke 2:
muffins were baking in the oven.  one muffin turned to the other muffin and said, "gosh it's hot in here." and that muffin said, "ah!  a talking muffin!"

(random yes.  doesn't totally make sense?  perhaps.  funny?  i say so.)

joke 3:
what did the 0 say to the 8?
nice belt.

(classic, kids love that one too)

annnnd i'm out.

do you have any for me?

Hijacked from Across The Pond

posted on: Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Megan here..
Not gonna lie..
I feel pretty cool being able to access Em's blog..
I didn't even e mail this post to her..
I am literally inside her blog right now..
it feels nice here..
like being back in my mothers womb.
Or at least what I imagine the inside of my mothers uterus to feel like..

babies live in the uterus right?

I digress.

I feel like I am dressing up as a doctor by being inside Em's blog.
I am not a doctor..
but I am a neuroscientist.
I study neuroscience..
I like to say I am neuroscientist though..
especially when I have had a glass of wine and people ask me what I do.
Makes me feel fancy.

I don't get a coat though.
Which I think is pretty stupid.
I am probably just going to order one for myself.
I am sure people do that.

In case you are wondering..
which I am sure you are..
this is what neurscience looks like:

nuff said.
I'm out.
aka leaving the blog.

a tale of a dress

posted on: Monday, May 9, 2011

hello loves!
i'm in Turkey!
probably in Istanbul, but since we didn't really plan anything beyond buying our flights
who knows?!

here's a little post i prepared in advance
something to keep you all entertained in my absence
and it's somewhat wedding-themed...
since we are quickly nearing the first anniversary of our wedding day!
(which was 05.28.10)

 this is my wedding dress.

i bought it.
from a bridal boutique.
not the most original way to obtain a wedding dress, i know.
and in all honesty,
to buy a wedding dress and pay full price for it
and do the "normal" things like have it altered, go for fittings, etc
just go against the grain of how i normally go about my life
i just don't usually go the path of least resistance.

but for me,
it was an act of rebellion.

my mom made her wedding dress
like, sewed it herself.
it looked beautiful on her
but i wanted to do something different than what my mom did.

 so i bought a wedding dress.
 and i LOVE it.
i hope i still fit into it the next time i try it on :)
 and i could never sell it
or give it away
or let a stranger wear it.

it's just wayyy too personal for me.
it wasn't just a dress.
it was MY dress.
my wedding dress.
the dress i wore when i promised forever to Nick
and i'm not sure i will ever feel more beautiful than i did that day.
and that means something to me.
so i'm keeping it.
and that's how i feel about it.
just in case you were wondering
which you weren't.
but now you know!

p.s. all photos courtesy of Jessica Lorren Photography

Guest Blogger: Living with Mr. Johnson

posted on: Friday, May 6, 2011

hey party people. 
it's ahn
i'm all over the blog-o-sphere these days...
with the exception of my own blog this week.
lazy bones.

 i'm really pleased to be here today because of the following reasons:

1. em is intelligent and super cute, both come naturally for me as well.
2. em just finished med school, i appreciate doctors.
3. em got married in italy, i had wine at my wedding.

a relative enjoying wine at wedding.
if i could do my wedding over i think i would have done it like em's. 
fewer people.
however, since my wedding was, i need to shut my face and appreciate it.
here are some pictures to prove it was as close to italy as i could get.

 and there you have it.
a central california wedding doing it's damndest to fake an italy wedding.

goodbye Florida!

posted on: Wednesday, May 4, 2011

i've had a lovely time here in florida with my fam
and now it's time for me to go
to Turkey.

here's some proof of memories made...

Abby had a birthday. (almost. May 8. it's birthday week now. she'll be 12)

ice cream cake.

she got the piece with the A.

first bite.

"do i have something on my lip?"

dads are cool.

my brother turned into grizzly adams in afghanistan.

pseudo-intellectual. with tattoos.

ahhh florida.

she's 12. he's 15. they're the same size. God help her future boyfriends.

somebody's a diiiiiivaaaaa.

eating snow crab legs.
sometimes, with my family, i am the only photographer
which means there are no pics of me.

that's okay. there will be TONS of pics of me in the posts following our trip
which brings me to...
The Plan.

while i'm gone, there will be a series of amazing bloggers guest-posting
miss it.
i've scheduled a few posts ahead of time too
just about random stuff that has occurred to me in the past few weeks
should be pretty random
i've been saving up these potential post topics for this trip.
i'm a nerd.
i know.

so that's the plan, Stan.
you'll all be well taken care of while i'm gone.
i can't wait to read my OWN blog to see what these lovelies have come up with

(that's "goodbye" in turkish)


posted on: Tuesday, May 3, 2011

i know, i know.
i must seem preeeettty self-indulgent to you people.
trips to Turkey
to Greece
to Hawaii
visiting family
traveling allllll over
buying fancy dresses (trust me, they were cheap)

but if i may,
allow me to divulge one more area of my own self-indulgence

i first found this gem via A Cup of Jo
(don't you all just love joanna goddard?
she is the quintessential blogger. in my humble opinion)
and haven't been able to get it out of my mind.

i swore to myself that i would pack NO jewelry for this trip to Turkey
and only wear things that i found/purchased over there

but just in case i don't find myself a graduation present at the Grand Bazaar in Istanbul
my order to Etsy will be official just as sooooon as i get back

med school is kind of a big deal.
i think i've earned it.
a right-hand ring.

dontcha think?

monday morning ramblings

posted on: Monday, May 2, 2011

i'm back, loves!

most people take a blogging hiatus for the weekend
but i feel like i've lived a lifetime since i last posted
also because i haven't REALLY been posting about what's been going on

slight recap:

nick and i got the keys to our new apartment
i made a video tour for my parents
you can see it here. on youtube.
(warning: i was wearing no makeup. and this was first thing in the am.
and it's 7 minutes long. so watch at your own risk. but it's there if you want it.)

we decided we needed some new furniture
and found this gem
in a homegoods (LOVE that store.)
but then we went back for it the next day, when we had nick's truck to carry it home in...
and it was gone.

then this chick got married
isn't she just lovely?
i love her halfway crooked smile.
such character in it.
classy, classy broad, she is.

during the royal wedding hullabaloo
i was flying home to see my family
i got there friday night
and was immediately commissioned as a Captain in the USAF
my mom takes iPhone photos of all the really important moments in life
there's me. taking the oath.
and my brother. administering it.

so that happened.

then we went to a wedding: me, joe, and his gf melissa.
it was an air force wedding, with all my pseudo-brothers in attendance.
total blast.
here's proof:
le church

stained glass. mmmm.


being mysterious. that joe and his melissa.

the happy couple: shane and nikki

there's lots of pictures of them. i like them.


allie and sky

the ever enigmatic ryan regan

i never realized just how out of focus this image was. oh well.

bush. signing the shirt.

check it. i'm a missus. 
a lovely bathroom iphone photo of the back o' my grad dress. which was also my wedding-guest dress. handy.
i hope you've enjoyed this lil' recap of my weekend.

i'm enjoying a few days with my family in Florida before i leave
for Turkey
on Wednesday.

don't worry, faithful readers.
i am not abandoning you entirely for this vacay of mine.
i have big plans for you.
stay tuned....
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