coming up

i got a love-email from my bestie, Meghan this morning

she just kicked the Georgia Bar Exam's ass

and is now gearing up for her high-powered law career.

hopefully she decides malpractice would be an awesome thing to concentrate on

because that would be incredibly convenient

for me.

anyway.

she sent me these pics.

one of us at her wedding

(i was the MOH)

and one of my handwriting

for all of you

isn't she the greatest?

thinking of my blog followers like that?

it's Resident's Day again

that blessed day that comes four times a year

where the ER attending physicians

cover the department so that the residents can all go bond

or float the river.

either one.

so i'm off to do some floating

then tomorrow,

Nick and I have his-and-hers bachelor/bachelorette parties

his is in Austin

mine is in Vegas

i win.

see you all Monday!

if you really knew me...

...you'd know that i can't start my day without coffee. I brew it at home and put it in a travel mug and drink it slow. it's one of the best parts of every day, but I can't drink more than one mug-full. or else I get the shakes. 

...you'd know that i can count on one hand the number of times in my life that i've been truly happy with the level of flatness of my tummy. and that all of those times were immediately post-stomach-flu.

...you'd know that Words of Affirmation are my biggest love language. we get shift evaluations from the staff physicians that we work with, and i check the website almost daily to see if there's a new one up so i can read something good that someone saying about me. this explains why i love your comments so much. (:

...you'd know that no one would ever describe me as "easy-going".

...you'd know that i act tough with my badass job and my military career...but that i'm really a sensitive soul who is still learning how to have a softer side. 

...you'd know that i have pretty awesome handwriting. i started writing the way that i do because my friend Natalee had the *coolest* handwriting when we were freshmen in college. i was inspired and took after her. she passed away suddenly during our sophomore year, and now i think about her every time i think about the way i write. 

...you'd know that my biggest regret in life is not taking out a $3000 loan to study abroad in London during my junior year of undergrad. that sum of money seems so small compared to the student loan debt i have now, and it would have been a priceless experience. i made a vow to never let a little money get in the way of me traveling ever again. and so far, i've kept it.

...you'd know that i can't wait to get out of the military. june 29, 2018. it'll be a party. you're all invited. i may dye my hair blue for it...just because i'll finally be able to.

...you'd know that i love the act of shopping. even if i don't buy anything, just perusing the racks and scouring for deals and trying on clothes is enough for me. 

...you'd know that i've moved so many times in my life (more than 20) that it's hard for me to imagine settling down somewhere. but that i think California would be a nice place to give it a go.

...you'd know that i was born in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. my parents used to be missionaries. i don't speak Portuguese. and that makes me sad.

...you'd know that i have the skinniest fingers and toes. 

...you'd know that i'm missing the two teeth that were on either side of my two-front-teeth. (#7 and #10, for all the dentists out there) one of the adult teeth was congenitally missing, so they pulled the matching tooth on the other side and pushed my teeth together with braces. middle school was a particularly attractive time for me.

...you'd know that i bit off my tongue when i was 13 months old. fell of the back of a chair. it happened in Brazil, and a bunch of nurses held me down while they fixed it (something about no anesthetic?). i was terrified of people in white coats for years after that. ironic, eh?

i think that's enough for now. (:

giving it away

guess what goes with sponsors and ads?
giveaways!

SkinCareRx is so excited to have me aboard that they're offering a $20 gift card
to one of my readers.
you can use the gift card at SkinCareRx, Apothica, and skinbotanica.
your choice.

so what can you get with a $20 gift card, you ask?

well...

this:

my favorite summertime shade

or this:

love smashbox lip gloss

or perhaps this:

love this scent

They've got tons of my favorite brands, as well as a ton that I've never even heard of. Pleased to make your acquaintance, new brands. They've also got the best product for acne scars.

to enter, you must:

-follow my blog

-visit SkinCareRx or Apothica

-leave a comment with what YOU would pick

for an extra entry, you can tweet about the giveaway with a link to this post.

the giveaway will be open until Friday August 3rd at 12:00AM CST.

the winner will be announced later that day. 

good luck!

and i'll let you in on a secret...the whole site is having a sale:

so take advantage!

the guadalupe

yesterday was a red letter day.

we. were both. OFF.

on a weekend day.

it's the little things.

so we hit the river!

waylon is not too sure about the river.

save me, mom!

a man and his dog.

family photo.

minus Ella.

she stays at home for these grand adventures.

the river..from the road.

we had such a delightful day.

we found a secret river spot

which was HUGE.

because at the Guadalupe River State Park,

they don't allow the drinking of beer.

poor form, Texas. poor form.

so we went rogue and found our own river entry point.

FAR superior to what the state park had to offer.

way to redeem yourself, Texas.

almost famous

i just worked five shifts in a row

whew.

yesterday was my day off

and i spent it running errands and doing chores.

awesome.

tonight i go back to work

(the 6pm to 2am shift. who thinks of these times?)

now that you all know my schedule

and feel sufficiently sorry for me

here's a question:

how do we all feel about sponsorship?

i've always felt it was something more appropriate for full-time bloggers

not part-time/whenever-i-get-the-time bloggers such as myself

yet i've recently been approached about some sponsorship opportunities

i was hesitant at first.

i'm a purist!

i blog for catharsis and communication! 

not commerce!

but then i thought...

eh. i'm doing it anyway. 

might as well receive some ancillary benefits from the situation?

i'm a huge fan of multitasking.

so this here blog is getting syndicated.

not really.

but you might see some more ads in the future.

there.

i said it.

in the meantime,

check me out on Style Me Pretty!

yeah yeah yeah...it wasn't my wedding.

but i was a bridesmaid!

photo c/o jessica lorren organic photography

i blogged all about this wedding back in March.

remember?

and in case you're in the mood for a flashback...

here's MY wedding's feature...going all the way back to 2010.

ahh the memories.

another one from Rachie Rach's wedding reception

we are quite the cozy couple, no?

photo c/o jessica lorren organic photography

this one's going on the wall.

happy Thursday!

centering myself

life has been a bit all over the place lately.

when i start to feel lost in the shuffle,

i always revert back to my family.

Miss Abby Noel

handsome Jesse

Joe and Abby. swinging. with a vengeance.

the facial expression. good God, Joe.

we all have to laugh at ourselves.

this is how Joe and his fiancé Melissa get around. typically.

pretty Annie. can't be bothered with such shenanigans.

their swinging put mine to shame.

he basically parkoured his way around the playground.

knowing that i was raised with and by these people

always makes me feel a little more grounded.

and humbled.

(:

oh sibbies. you know i love you so.

hey there.

i had a rough day at work yesterday. then i got stuck in traffic on my way home because it was pouring cats and dogs. people in San Antonio don't know what to do when the wet stuff falls from the sky. so naturally, when i got home, i picked a fight with Nick. and when that blew over, i picked another one. i don't even know why. the issues seemed so important at the time, but of course, this morning, they seem ridiculous. i don't even have my righteous anger to back me up here in the aftermath. 

i know myself well enough to know that i'm usually picking a fight because i'm unhappy...somewhere deep down. unfortunately, i don't know myself well enough to be able to recognize that fact BEFORE i chip away at the good foundations of my marriage. oops. i'll work on that.

if i look back at my past few blog posts, i can sort of see a pattern forming. there's been unhappiness brewing for a while now. which is sort of stupid, i admit. but it is what it is. i think i've been trying to deny it because it seems so unjustified. 

i read a post that Nat wrote last night where she was laughing at herself (SO important to be good at that) for writing an entire paragraph about a playground, and wishing that her 2009-self could have known that someday, she who wanted a baby so badly, would be blissfully, ridiculously extolling a playground that she had taken her baby to. she wondered what her future-self would wish her present-self could see now. and she made a point to say that she intended to better enjoy the journey.

i think about my own 2009-self. i was in love with a wonderful man and wondering when the hell he was going to propose already dammit. i was in medical school, starting my third year clinical rotations and feeling like an idiot most of the time (okay so not much has changed there)...dying to match into an Emergency Medicine residency and having the very palpable fear that my grades, my scores, my skills, my personality weren't going to be good enough to make that dream come true. i was living in Chicago, loving the food but hating the cold and wishing desperately to live somewhere warmer (ha. ha. ha. joke's on me, eh?). none of my friends had babies yet, so i didn't really think about babies much. i was working towards a career! i was going to save lives! motherhood be damned! there would be time for that much, much later...said my 25-year-old self. 

well that wonderful man finally proposed. then he took me to Italy to marry me in the most beautiful and idyllic location possible. 

i graduated from medical school no problem. and--miracle of miracles--i matched into an Emergency Medicine Residency. a military residency training program. that was incredibly competitive. well whaddyaknow i WAS good enough. 

i live in San Antonio. which is MUCH warmer than Chicago. (side-eye San Antonio.) it was first presumed to be a culinary wasteland, but turns out, if you look hard enough, there are a few oases in this here desert. 

i'm a doctor. i've always wanted to be. and i'm getting sort of good at it. i feel overwhelmed every day. i feel inadequate every day. i feel like everyone else is better at it than me every day. i'm scared i'm going to kill someone...every. day. but i'm learning. and i'm getting there.

and now my friends are having babies. now scoffing at motherhood seems foolhardy. (you're 28! there's a clock! it's ticking!) it's starting to make me feel like maybe i want one too. 

so much that i dreamed about in 2009 has now become my reality. plus i have a puppy! but somehow, i still feel like i'm living my life in a such a way that i'm always looking around the corner for what's coming next. and consequently, feeling dissatisfied with where i am right NOW. i'd like to blame pinterest. and blogging. and freaking instagram. them with their double-edged swords: inspiring me in one minute and filling me with envy the next. i get excited when i'm driving to work, wondering just how i'm going to be challenged in that shift...what i'm going to see...what i'll learn. but i get tired of wearing scrubs and nasty doctor shoes while all my pretty pretty clothes hang neglected in my closet. even on my days off i get pouty, because everyone i know in this town is a doctor too, and they're pretty much never off when i am. 

so i wallow in my loneliness, comparing my grungy, doctoring life to everyone else's on the internet and making myself feel pretty damn small. it helps to say this out loud. helps me take a step toward being thankful--happy--satisfied--content with exactly where i am today. plus, have i ever made any of you feel small? good God i hope not. but if i have, maybe you'll know i feel small too. and that will help you feel bigger. or at least not so alone in your smallness. 

i think my 2009-self would be pissed off at my 2012-self. 

you idiot! you got everything you ever wanted and you're STILL dissatisfied?!? wtf. 

okay so i still don't have a pair of Louboutins. 

something for my 2015-self to strive for...

p.s. remember when i said that i wasn't going to do a list-everything-i'm-thankful-for-to-make-you-jealous post? yeah. um. oops. 

grumpy

hide me from the world today.

i haven't been this cranky in a *while*

i'm fighting off some kind of viral plague that's threatening to overtake me

on my day off, no less

and the dog is being an obnoxious little shit

to put it mildly

oh cruel cruel world.

typically when i get this way

i eat my feelings.

the above photos were taken at Jess's house in Florida last week

she just whipped up a delicious cheese tray

in 3 minutes flat

like it ain't no thang.

and the ones below were from the food truck outing we made

fresh snapper tacos

be still my heart

  

prettiest lil' food truck i ever did see

if you're ever in West Palm Beach, FL

you should most definitely partake.

then jess and dave and i went for oysters

(don't worry. this was not all on the same day.)

it's great to have friends that are foodies too.

if you are, in fact, a foodie.

like i am.

 "foodie", definition: a fancy term for someone who enjoys copious amounts of delicious food 

and forgoes the luxury of being stick skinny.

i may or may not have just made that up.

fortunately i married a foodie.

so last night i tried to work a little of jess's magic in my own home

we play Gin and drink alcohol on our patio on a pretty regular basis

there.

i feel a touch better.

joy thief

hula-hooping. the most joyful of activities.

i'm back!

vacay is over.

*sads*

but it's good to be home

back with my hubs and my pup and my kitty

and Texas heat. 

which, surprisingly, is nowhere near as hot as the eastern seaboard of the US

irony.

ever since my last big, deep, dramatic post

i've had a few things on my mind

concerning comparisons.

we're all guilty of playing the comparison game

this is why there are idioms that were created around the idea

"the grass is always greener...", etc.

but these past few weeks, i've been guiltier than usual

i just can't stop myself from feeling dissatisfied with my life

we all get this way sometimes

but it's been happening way too often for my taste

i feel like i've been having a hard time being thankful

which is dumb

because i know i have a lot to be thankful for

this isn't going to be one of those

"i'm having trouble being thankful so let me list everything amazing about my life to make you all feel like crap" posts

i'll spare you.

but does anybody else get this way?

i feel like blogging exacerbates the issue

instead of reading about other bloggers' lives and feeling inspired,

i find myself wishing i had a different job

or better clothes

or a skinnier body

or a husband who took pictures of me forcryingoutloud

i have no magic solution to this problem.

and i know it's an issue that will come and go for me.

but like i said,

these days it's been lingering longer than usual.

you all know i strive to be honest with this blog.

somebody once said that blogging was like comparing your behind-the-scenes

with someone else's highlights reel

and i try to keep this ish as real as possible.

and paint my life in as unglamorous a light as it actually is!

i'll leave you all with the words of a couple of very wise men.

[via]

[via]

i may be the only person in history

to have successfully merged the ideas

of Kurt Cobain with those of Teddy Roosevelt.

they have more in common than the fact that they both are deceased.

so there you have it.

i'm just here, keeping it real.

and for those of you that look at MY life

and find yourself wishing you had it

allow me to remind you that my day began yesterday

with me performing a rectal exam

on a trauma patient who had shat himself.

welcome to second year, Dr. Fleming.