consider the fact that you'll probably be working Thanksgiving
and New Years
and your birthday
you might even find yourself alone, in a strange town,
60 miles away from your husband, the week before Christmas
remember the very people you are trying to save
will call you sweetie...nurse...f***ing bitch
and spit in your face
and vomit on your scrubs
and bleed on your shoes
remember that you'll consider two days off in a row to be an enormous luxury
you'll have a little money, yes.
but no free time to spend it.
remember that your friends will all have their babies together
and you'll be a step behind the ones you love best
remember that you'll sleep at weird times
and get annoyed when your family calls you when you're sleeping
even though even your own husband can't remember your schedule
because it changes all the time
remember how you'll miss your family during holidays
and sometimes hate yourself for feeling envious of your patients
whose families are there with them
remember that the hurt and sorrow that your patients experience
will affect you deeply.
and you will hurt with them.
cry when you tell them they've miscarried.
mourn when you tell them they have cancer
feel the shock when you tell them they're paralyzed
imagine an iota of the grief they must feel when you tell them their child has died.
remember that when the rest of the world wonders how a man can shoot first-graders
you will be wondering how the first responders handled what they saw
and asking yourself how you would cope with your ER being flooded with tiny bodies
wondering how those doctors even made it through the rest of their shift
before you decide to become a doctor
remember these things.
think hard on it.
because it's hard. it's really really hard. and you have to be sure.
or you won't make it.
i am pretty much the worst blogger ever.
i go for weeks (okay...A week.) at a time without posting
i didn't post a holiday gift guide
all my pictures are ones that could be easily found on instagram.
God bless you all for bearing with me.
this weekend, i'm going to Cali
for one of my favorite fellow bloggers' bridal shower
and to seal the deal and make us officially bff's that have met in person
and you should be too.
i'm sure there will be gads of photo ops
which will save you from my insta-repeats
this is what i've been up to:
decorating the house...and finally getting that gallery wall up
taking care of this guy's pain. holy buckets, poor dude.
in case you forgot, don't drink and drive, my friends.
finding this delightful prop and sending this gem to my huz.
because i'm an amazing wife like that.
wore this sweatshirt at work. because it's freezing in hospitals at night.
then i wore it again, two other days. because it was good luck.
(that red fleece in the photo above? not good luck. people died when i wore that fleece.
i'm sure it was the fleece...)
bonus: people kept asking me if I was also a lawyer. i said yes. i practice malpractice law.
i saw my husband one night.
it's dark, but proof nonetheless.
found this gem in REI. saves you on tampons? while camping?
i don't even know what to say.
decorated the Christmas tree with these...
i think she's a lovely tree.
and Christmas trees make me happy.
i complained that i was cold. so Nick buried me with laundry, fresh from the dryer.
he's so thoughtful.
and last but not least,
many many more grey hairs were found.
it's like all the melanin in my hair just decided to disappear. all at once.
so i waged war on those suckers. plucked the ones i could find.
and annihilated all the others with a box of hair dye.
i fear i will not age very gracefully, as this has been my attitude thus far.
"deny! cover it up! pluck it out! it was never there!"
i used to dye my hair for fun.
now it's out of necessity. which is infinitely less fun.
oh well. i'll be 29 in a couple weeks. it's all downhill from here.
and brace yourselves: i'll be obnoxiously blowing up your instagram feed this weekend
with photos of california, and me wearing normal clothes.
you've been warned.
i don't know that i will ever fully be able to describe to you my experiences in the Trauma ICU
i'd have to use words like, "terrifying" "stressful" "dizzying"
every time i turned around i was putting out a fire
trying to stop someone from dying
i wasn't always successful...some injuries are just too devastating.
and sometimes, even when you literally break every single bone on the left side of your body, you manage to stay alive.
i got an incredible and humbling reminder of why i do what i do...WHERE i do it.
a CCATT (critical care air transport team) team dropped off a medevac in our ICU
the guy had lost his leg in an IED blast in Afghanistan 6 days ago.
he was the nicest patient i had the honor of taking care of
and just in case you forgot that our country is at war...i know i do sometimes
here's a reminder.
now i'm sitting here with my coffee and my pup, bundled up on my couch,
enjoying the Christmas decorations in our little house,
reminiscing about last night's date with my husband
we put a moratorium on iPhones, so i don't have any pictures
but it was perfect.
reunited after 5 days of opposite schedules and not seeing each other.
now that i've survived TICU nights, i feel like a huge weight has been lifted
and i can finally start to get my holiday on
today and tomorrow are all about Christmas...
cards, gifts, shopping
and i can't think of anything better to do with my days off
and i'll leave you with another